How to lie for Recreational Purposes

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Reader Comments (45)

Had to be your funniest one yet.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJustin Yost

FUCKING BRILLIANT! I laughed so hard I had to go to the bathroom, but I practiced my Kegels and resisted the urge...

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBI Fan

Kegels...

Sound advice.

I use cheese.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnother Rob

OMG...i have been lying for recreational purposes and i didnt even knew it...OMG

also 1st.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph Highborn

darn it

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoseph Highborn

I laughed so hard, I became weak, and if you know what I mean and I think you do.

niiice...kegals...hehe...

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChels

Ha ha ha, nice one, and it s always a fun sport if done correctly, but there are few times that playing along the dumb role a bit is quite fun too if you can make a total dumb of the liar. I bet it wouldn't be easy on you :).

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFrancesc

I used to have a roommate that lied about EVERYTHING. I don't think it was recreational though. I think it was just that he didn't know how to tell the truth. We called him "Joel the Liar".
Totally outrageous stuff too, like "One time I raced this NASCAR car and beat it in my Pontiac Grand Am." Or, "One time I jumped my car OVER this other car." He also claimed to have been an alternate in the '96 Olympics (when he was 15). We were all pretty sure his event was the 100 meter bullshit.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTreehog

I used to practice this as well. I convinced a friend of mine that I was a "Type B" Diabetic, and that I needed to maintain my blood-sugar level. To do so, I needed to take sugar pills every four to six hours. In essence, I needed a placebo perscription. I did get her to believe me. She was a nursing student.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGumbercules

Truly, lying is the sport of kings.
My past successes include convincing people that:

- Part of China had fallen into the sea, and 18 million Chinese people were looking for somewhere else to live.
- One of my friends had lost a buttock in a 'pig related incident'.
- Steven Hawking genuinely has retractable helicopter rotors hidden in his wheelchair.

Remember, with great power comes great responsibility - you risk people no longer believing you when you tell the truth (For example, no one will listen to me when I tell them that there wasn't a single human born worldwide during 1927.)

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJames

kegels
awesome!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermartin

[...] Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer: Your all-inclusive guide to a life well-lived. I giggled for about a minute. (tags: humor basicinstructions webcomics) [...]

I love the development of the Jenkins character. Keep putting him in your stip.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCBS

It was funny until Kegels. Then it was hilarious!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMose

What's a kegel and how do I order a crate of them? I am so tried of today's outrageous toilet paper prices! No more!

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeremy B.

Especially the toilet paper that they made to be like CHUCK NORRIS . . . It's rough, tough, and won't take shit off of nobody.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterizzy_wolfe_13

Hoo-man, an LOL in every panel, starting right from the first! "That's what I like to hear." "Yeah, I know." Kegels. Priceless.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterYes, I am Tubby

screw you, what. Leave this place and never return, if you wish you soul intact.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterizzy_wolfe_13

hahaha, I do this all the time. I like to tell people I am a Chinese National but my foster parents moved to the US when I was a young boy. The funny thing is I have gotten some people to actually believe me because I learned a few phrases in Mandarin. Both of my parents are actually from South America and I was born and raised in California.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShin

BWAHAHAHA! Freaking awesome! Kegels?!?! ROFL!

Um, Jeremy B., look it up. I'm sure as heck not explaining that one.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I read this while going to the bathroom.
HHahahahahahaha

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJared

Just...brilliant. Simply brilliant.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStevil

Gumbercules: Oddly enough, my prescription are chewables which look just like M&Ms. They're working so far.

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterExeter

Thanks to your cartoon and Google I am far more educated than I usually would be by this time of day! Excellent work as always.

February 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKaz

I was once part of a conspiracy that convinced much of Athens, GA that my best friend's sister was dead...when she came back to town, she nearly strangled me. As revenge, she got her brother to convince everyone that my girlfriend and I were brother and sister...if you believe that last one, there are some Morlocks under the streets of Athens you should meet.

February 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJiggly McSickfingers

and to Izzy...I think they should release a Sweatin' To Chuck Norris DVD...we could all do kegels while trying to do leg lifts on pneumatic presses.

February 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJiggly McSickfingers

There's also the lazy man's version of recreational lying, which is deliberate misinterpretation of what someone else said. That way, you don't have to come up with an idea on your own, just take the worst possible iteration of someone else's. It's big fun making the monkeys dance as they try to put the conversation back on course.

February 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGryffin

Good one, I almost believed no one was born in 1927. Fortunately, wikipedia saved me from my ignorance yet again.

February 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Random One

kegels... am making ladylike snorts of laughter. anyone with a toddler has to lie like this just to get through the day. me: you HAVE to brush your teeth, it's the law. if you don't brush your teeth, big policemen will come and take you away, and you'll have to live in a circus. my kid: will there be elephants?

February 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwhiterabbit11

Well, maybe elephants are just that important to him.

Also, kegels... wouldn't that, like, make you ave to go more? I mean, squeezing your pelvis muscles would probably have to do something with squeezing your bladder, plus if you strain hard enough on kegels you'd just go anyways.

February 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSadie

I did the dead friend routine as well. I told everyone that he had died of a scorpion bit in the Mexican desert. It went so well that the report of Jimmy's demise returned to me three times. One person even left flowers at his house. Imagine everyone's surprise upon his return. It was like he rose up. LOL! I caught a lot of hell for that one. But everyone still talks about the prank to this day. That was a long time ago and we still call him "Dead Jimmy" to this day.

February 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhockeykevin

uhh...that should be scorpion bite. Damn fingers won't work right...

February 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhockeykevin

Let's not forget that this 'Jenkins' is the one who believed the boss was into boys and ponies...because...they're...dreamy!

February 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

No, Sadie, that's not the case. Kegels strengthen the muscles which control the urine flow and are recommended by most doctors as a way of strengthening those muscles after child birth (my wife and her friends are very sharing of their doctors' visits). For men, they're supposed to strengthen orgasm, too.

February 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGryffin

Ahhh, .... memories. My favorite is when I had my wife convinced there was a militant wing of the Salvation Army. And before anyone writes, this was 1989, long before Austin Powers.

February 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeater

thank you mr.(or ms. or mrs. or missus, or whatever) science! now that joke isn't funny anymore, but apparently the smiths still are.

February 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJiggly McSickfingers

that was the original bassist for my first punk band in athens, vomit thrower...he's still "dead phil", and
because the guy with the supposedly dead sister told everyone phil was dead...he MIGHT be now, come to
think of it...our very last bassist died after our last show, for real...but that just shows how punk he was.
i'm sure he did kegels.

February 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJiggly McSickfingers

That's me, Mr. Puddleglum the fun-slayer.

Seemed a serious inquiry, so I treated it as such. Sorry that I didn't precog my response would ruin your fun four days later. Would it have remained funny if had I said that it put more bang in a man's bang-stick?

February 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGryffin

heater, i think i worked at that salvation army.....at least, until we were all fired for "insubordination".
treehog- i once worked a haunted halloween attraction with the SAME kind of guy. our maze was the "killer Klown" type, and this guy was a stilt walker. at EVERY break he's brag about all the girls that flashed him, all the people that smoked him out, and all the huge bags of weed/drugs he'd find just laying around- and those were just the basics. it got to the point where everyone started calling him "bullshit clown". he ended up switching attractions and we were glad he could torment someone else for a change.
oh and we had a friend who useddo this and tell the most outrageous stories in the most believable ways. we called them his entertaining lies

February 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterButcherbaby

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