How to Decide Which Star Wars Character You Are Most Like

in

Obi Wan was the worst Jedi of all time.

His mentor ditched him for a kid.

He watched, helpless, stuck behind a force field as that mentor was killed.

He took over training the kid, Anakin, who kept sassing back and disobeying him.

He was ordered to capture Jango Fett. Fett got away.

He watched, helpless, pinned under debris as Count Dooku cut off Anakin’s hand. Yoda had to save them both.

He got knocked out and didn’t see the future emperor goading Anakin into executing Count Dooku. Anakin then saved Obi Wan by carrying his unconscious bulk.

Anakin, his Padawan, who he chose to train over Yoda’s objections, turned evil and wiped the Jedi out.

He goes to kill Anakin. He chooses to leave him alive, but angry.

He goes to Tatooine to “watch over” Luke.

He finds Luke unconscious after he’s been attacked.

He keeps Luke busy talking about light sabers and Imperial troop blast patterns while Luke’s aunt and uncle, who raised him, are being burned to death.

He travels to Alderaan as quickly as he can, and arrives right after the planet has been destroyed.

He drops the Death Star’s tractor beam, but gets Killed by Darth Vader, A.K.A. Anakin, A.K.A. the kid he trained.

He tells Vader, “Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.” Vader strikes him down. Obi Wan spends the next two movies demonstrating his new powers Vader couldn’t imagine: the power to talk and emit a faint blue glow.

Note from Missy: Hey, at least he got that tractor beam down.

 

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Decide Which Star Wars Character You Are Most Like

in

Obi Wan was the worst Jedi of all time.

His mentor ditched him for a kid.

He watched, helpless, stuck behind a force field as that mentor was killed.

He took over training the kid, Anakin, who kept sassing back and disobeying him.

He was ordered to capture Jango Fett. Fett got away.

He watched, helpless, pinned under debris as Count Dooku cut off Anakin’s hand. Yoda had to save them both.

He got knocked out and didn’t see the future emperor goading Anakin into executing Count Dooku. Anakin then saved Obi Wan by carrying his unconscious bulk.

Anakin, his Padawan, who he chose to train over Yoda’s objections, turned evil and wiped the Jedi out.

He goes to kill Anakin. He chooses to leave him alive, but angry.

He goes to Tatooine to “watch over” Luke.

He finds Luke unconscious after he’s been attacked.

He keeps Luke busy talking about light sabers and Imperial troop blast patterns while Luke’s aunt and uncle, who raised him, are being burned to death.

He travels to Alderaan as quickly as he can, and arrives right after the planet has been destroyed.

He drops the Death Star’s tractor beam, but gets Killed by Darth Vader, A.K.A. Anakin, A.K.A. the kid he trained.

He tells Vader, “Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.” Vader strikes him down. Obi Wan spends the next two movies demonstrating his new powers Vader couldn’t imagine: the power to talk and emit a faint blue glow.

Note from Missy: Hey, at least he got that tractor beam down.

 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Listen to Other People Talk About Their Vacation

in

I understand the allure of fantasy camps where you pretend to be a professional ball player, but I think it would be even better to go to a camp where you pretend to be a team owner. You sleep in a 5-star hotel, spend the day in a plush office having well-dressed professionals suck up to you, then you go down to the ballpark, meet your favorite player, and threaten to fire him if he doesn’t win.

Note from Missy: It occurs to me that “shagging fly balls” could be a euphemism.

 

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How to Listen to Other People Talk About Their Vacation

in

I understand the allure of fantasy camps where you pretend to be a professional ball player, but I think it would be even better to go to a camp where you pretend to be a team owner. You sleep in a 5-star hotel, spend the day in a plush office having well-dressed professionals suck up to you, then you go down to the ballpark, meet your favorite player, and threaten to fire him if he doesn’t win.

Note from Missy: It occurs to me that “shagging fly balls” could be a euphemism.

 

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Be Patient

in

This comic was written right after Missy and I attended the EPCOT Food and Wine Festival for the first time. A major beer maker sponsored a half hour long tasting where you received your samples after a twenty-five-minute-long lecture about hops and water filtration. The result for me was that I sat there feeling hot and frustrated until the last minute, when I shot-gunned four small glasses of beer and fled back out into the park.

The Food and Wine festival is quite enjoyable. I miss it. Yeah, the portions are tiny and the prices are high, but where else can you have a meal made up of bratwurst, escargot, cheddar soup, and baklava.

Food and Wine was also the first place I ever saw a full-grown man vomit while sprinting.

 

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Be Patient

in

This comic was written right after Missy and I attended the EPCOT Food and Wine Festival for the first time. A major beer maker sponsored a half hour long tasting where you received your samples after a twenty-five-minute-long lecture about hops and water filtration. The result for me was that I sat there feeling hot and frustrated until the last minute, when I shot-gunned four small glasses of beer and fled back out into the park.

The Food and Wine festival is quite enjoyable. I miss it. Yeah, the portions are tiny and the prices are high, but where else can you have a meal made up of bratwurst, escargot, cheddar soup, and baklava.

Food and Wine was also the first place I ever saw a full-grown man vomit while sprinting.

 

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Deal with Boredom

in

I have friend whose wife basically strong armed him into going to marriage counseling. No, it’s not who you think … though he did once have a wife strong arm him into counselling.

Sorry, got off track there.

When my friend would discuss his feelings with the counsellor, they were mostly feelings of resentment that he had to pay for the honor of sitting there, sharing his innermost feelings with this person he had no urge to talk to.

My friend’s marriage didn’t last very long beyond that.

 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Deal with Boredom

in

I have friend whose wife basically strong armed him into going to marriage counseling. No, it’s not who you think … though he did once have a wife strong arm him into counselling.

Sorry, got off track there.

When my friend would discuss his feelings with the counsellor, they were mostly feelings of resentment that he had to pay for the honor of sitting there, sharing his innermost feelings with this person he had no urge to talk to.

My friend’s marriage didn’t last very long beyond that.

 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Prioritize Your Friends

in

I’m not a sports fan, but I do enjoy going to a game occasionally. Something about being around that many people who are into something is infectious. You find yourself getting caught up in the emotion of the crowd. Pretty soon, things that couldn’t be less important to you seem like the most important thing in the world.

It can be a lot of fun, but that’s also how riots happen.

I kid. I’m not really saying that sports fandom is a form of mass hysteria, but that would explain why otherwise rational people will spend that much money on an order of extra-soggy nachos.

 

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Prioritize Your Friends

in

I’m not a sports fan, but I do enjoy going to a game occasionally. Something about being around that many people who are into something is infectious. You find yourself getting caught up in the emotion of the crowd. Pretty soon, things that couldn’t be less important to you seem like the most important thing in the world.

It can be a lot of fun, but that’s also how riots happen.

I kid. I’m not really saying that sports fandom is a form of mass hysteria, but that would explain why otherwise rational people will spend that much money on an order of extra-soggy nachos.

 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).