How to Enjoy Something for What It Is

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Reader Comments (69)

I like coffee with Irish whiskey, rum, milk, whipped cream, shredded Hershey bar, high-fructose corn syrup, and more Irish whiskey. Actually substitute more rum for the coffee.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterploeg

You might enjoy this one:

"I like my coffee like I like my men. White, and bitter."

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris Ho-STuart

As much as I'd never thought I'd say these words-
I have to agree with Jenkins on this one.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGH

"I like my coffee like I like my men... ground up and in the freezer."

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDucks

Some people seem to think that "black coffee" means a dark roast. I've told people that I like my coffee black, and gotten replies like "So do I, with cream and sugar."

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMarco

I don't like the taste of coffee, but I have similar feelings about tea. If it has anything in it besides tea, I don't want it. (I'll make an exception for toasted brown rice in gen mai cha, but oil of bergamot is an abomination. Jean-Luc Picard had no taste.)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSteven desJardins

Jenkins is close to correct...except the only thing more foul than plain coffee is coffee thats been disguised as something else. Mmmmm- a hot drink made with ground, burnt beans. Lovely.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStreetwise guy

"I like my coffee like I like my women: Ground up and in the freezer."

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBourbon Man

As a coffee snob, I'd like to be able to say that I drink my coffee straight, but the civil war in Sumatra, about 20 years ago, put an end to "aged" Sumatra Mandahling, so now I add sugar.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSondra

Never in my life have I ever thought this would happen. I am having trouble accepting this fact, and I ask that you support me in this hard time. The truth is, I agree with Jenkins. Especially in panel 2.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Scott, you struck gold with the very first panel. It could stand on its own as a single-panel comic, IMO (btw, ever thought of trying some of those?).
I take mine black because I'm pragmatic -- Coffee is served almost anywhere, but you can't always find your favorite sugar, creamer, or what-not.
My frequent comments to people who add all kinds of stuff to their coffee are, "Would you like some coffee with your cream and sugar?" or "What's the matter? Don't you like coffee?"

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKozz


Coffee is served almost anywhere, but you can't always find your favorite sugar, creamer, or what-not.

Ain’t it the truth. My father worked in the Middle East for a time. Until then, he always took cream in his coffee, but he found problems with this that he had never imagined. When they put ewe’s milk in his coffee, that was fine, and even goat’s milk he could get used to, but then one day he ordered coffee at a place that used camel’s milk. He has taken his coffee black ever since.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSuperversive

I like my coffee like my women -- cold and bitter.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterperlcat

Portal nod appreciated, Scott.

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSt. Chris

What if we were talking about chocolate instead of coffee? Anybody want to say it's only real with no sugar? (After the Mayans anyway.)

August 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRuss

For my favourite "I like my coffee like...", I refer you too the Simping Detective. He likes his coffee like lingerie; blacker than Satan's wings and packed full of sugar.

Also, great comic Scott!

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan

I'll drink my coffee black, with cream or with cream and sugar. I refer to the last one as 'dessert' coffee, the second one as 'good' coffee and the first one as 'awake-juice'.
I think the main reason I use milk is that I don't like scolding my mouth for no good reason.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterwickedragon

Panel 1 - superb! Sweetened with disapproval - sublime.

Also, love Missy's expression in final panel, and

Ducks' comment "I like my coffee like I like my men... ground up and in the freezer." - I hadn't heard that version before - brilliant!

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPaddy

"Just your disapproval."

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWaladil

I like my coffee like I like my women, picked by migrant workers

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Corn syrup!? Really!?

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMike Geordie Brown

I like my coffee like I like my women: there to wake me up in the morning so I can get through the day.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterInnominate

"I like my sugar with coffe and cream." -- The Beastie Boys & I agree.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHoney

Tea. And, milk apparently started to disagree with me, so I take soya "milk", and an artificial sweetener. I tried a 50% decaffeinated variety because I couldn't get to sleep, but then I couldn't stay awake. It's mostly for warmth and caffeine and you could get one of those in a patch. The other, I guess, in a bigger patch, knitted from wool, that you wrap yourself in.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRobert Carnegie

"Comedy equals my colleagues plus time" -classic. I have learned to stay out of the way of coffee drinkers - not the ones with full cups of coffee, because they are content and cheerful. It's the ones with the empty cups, barreling down the hall for that refill that you gotta watch out for.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJWeis

I don't mind coffee (big tea drinker though). I don't mind it without milk, but I never go without two spoons of sugar. Otherwise it's just dirt-water (not mud, mud is usually thicker).

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDavid

I like coffee.
If you get down to it I don't <I>really</I> like coffee. Not without other stuff. It's taste is too strong and bitter for me.
I do like caffeine, sweet things, and things with a creamy texture.
Coffee is everywhere, as are the creamy products and sweetening that people put into it.
What does 1+1+1 equal again?
You can say that I don't like coffee, or claim that what I like and drink isn't actually coffee, but saying that "I like/drink coffee" is much easier than going through a long convoluted explanation on the subject that makes me look like an anal retentive weirdo. So instead I'll allow you to look like an anal retentive weirdo instead. I think I'll manage somehow.
(Note: written for amusement rather than intending to insult a fellow Scott)

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSpatula of Doom

I like milk coffee as well as black coffee - but I don't like how some coffee places (on university campuses) always put some strange syrup into it! Yuck!!

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBird of Prey

The Missy drawing is great. She's soo excited.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSue Dunham

I like my coffee like I like my women: full of liquor.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPastamancer

I think there needs to a new branch of mathematics just to study The Jenkins Logic. It appears to be internally consistent, yet every axiom is self contradictory...

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFester Addams

I like my women like I like my scotch-- 12 years old and mixed up with coke-- wait, no, bad, wrong.

How close to 100% sarcasm is missy's line in panel 4?

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Obviously, many people place far too much importance on their choice of coffee-like beverage:

“Grande extra hot, soy, caramel macchiato, no foam, stirred, with whip, extra caramel, at 200 degrees.”

“I’ll have a grande, no-fat, sugar-free Cinnamon Dolce Latte, no whip.”

“A half-caf, grande rice milk latte with five dashes of cinnamon in the bottom of the cup, two pumps sugar-free Irish cream syrup, very light foam, 175 degrees, in my personal cup so I get a 10 cent discount.”

As for me, I'll take a cup of Folgers, no cream or sugar. I don't have time for any of that other nonsense.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMr. Obvious

The dichotomy of expressions in panel 4 says a lot.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBeardo

I like coffee. I'll drink it pretty much any way a body wants to prepare it. Black, cream and/or sugar, cold, straight espresso, as a double-shot mocha cappuccino with caramel, and whatever else, Turkish, etc.

The only way I won't take it is weak. Weak coffee tastes like somebody soaked a brown crayon in water.

Well, I'd also not take it with a fish in it, or with a meatball floating in it, or poured over a salad... OK there's a lot of ways I won't take my coffee, but most of them are probably so underground you haven't heard of them.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTacomagic

To me, asking "don't you like coffee?" when someone adds milk and sugar to it is like asking "don't you like flour?" when I mix it with eggs, etc. to make a cake. I like the entity that is coffee-with-milk-and-sugar (along with a side of scorched-flour-cocoa-egg-lump).

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterstephen

I like my coffee like I like my women, hot, white, and with a spoon.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRightfrontpocket

I don't think Americans can comment on coffee. In my experience American coffee is always as weak as dishwater and burnt. And cream? Ugh.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGraham

De gustibus non est disputandum, I guess.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterXenocles

Surprisingly, at least one commenter doesn't understand what it takes to have coffee black.

Scott, you are correct. Every red-blooded American drinks black coffee every single day. That's what makes you a red-blooded American.

Which is not to say you can't add stuff to the coffee. Coffee is so good you can do anything to it and it will still be good. And you don't need to be a snob about coffee either. Every kind of coffee is good, from your weird Ethiopian harrar to your Sumatran to the worst gas station coffee that's been on a burner all day long. They're ALL good.

Tea, on the other hand, is much more complicated. Oil of bergamot is fantastic--Picard was right. But oolong is also great tea. Some teas are absolutely ruined by sweeteners (and the way they drink it in the American South is abominable) but others can be lightly sweetened, if served cold.

August 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFMA
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