Why I Make a Point of Telling People That I Don't Like Sports

Recently, Tech Republic had a nice write-up of my Star Wars vs. Star Trek comics.

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Reader Comments (47)

I'm the same way (except I'm a music junkie instead of a sci-fi fan). I just tell people I was born without a sports gene.

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteruwg

I think you misspelled the last word. It's spelled 'dicks'.

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNonsensicles

I give you Star Wars Trek sports: -
Riposte Scott

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJawfin

This is not a basic "instruction", it is a basic "explaination". Still funny though, but dorks are sticklers for this sort of thing. :-)

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSantiago

I love this one. Is it the first to have a title that doesn't start with "How to"?

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPatrick

Q: How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke?
A: Firstly, it's nerds, not geeks. Secondly, it's a riddle, not a joke. Now proceed.

August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMick from Melbourne


August 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAllen K.

I don't like star trek and I don't watch sports. Am I still a dork?

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercharles

I love every single panel of this - especially the third one with the generic 'sports sentence'. Somehow, somewhere, somewhen I will find an opportunity to use this.

I, too, detest 'sports'. In fact, I had made a deliberate point of ignoring 'sports' to the degree that I had never even heard of 'sports' until the Olympics (whatever they are). It then became difficult as many 'football' (or as I believe they are called in America 'soccer' matches were played only my doorstep in Newcastle upon Tyne. People I know personally were volunteers at these 'events'.

You may not know Newcastle - it is a 'football' town. Newborn babies of both sexes lie in their prams wearing miniature 'footie strips' (some sort of uniform worn by players, as I am given to understand). Shops are bedecked in the 'team' colours of 'black and white' (mmm - those colours really exist - perhaps they shouldn't have been in inverted commas - no matter). Bakeries sell sweetmeats and cakes in those colours. Vicars' sermons start off with a brief resume of 'how the lads did' at the weekend, and babies' first words are 'Watt! Howway, ref! Get ye guide dog on the pitch - he'll keep ye reet!' (and worse). For the connoisseur there are also 'rugby' and 'ice hockey' teams of renown, and 'race tracks' (dog, horse and people). It has been a lifetime's work remaining ignorant. But thanks to the 'Olympics' I have been assaulted with sports jargon on all sides, and sadly, some had slithered into my psyche, like a viper under a plant pot, waiting to strike. I now know words I would rather have remained ignorant of.

I am fighting back however, by deliberately misusing them e.g. "How many sticks do you get in a golf set?" and "Are tennis bats heavy?" etc, but I long for those halcyon days when these comments would have been made from happy ignorance, and not defiance.

My brain is irreparably soiled.
For 59 years I have managed to let my eyes glaze over whenever 'sports.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPaddy

Eh, pretty weak next to most of your stuff.
It's probably time for another visit from Omnipresent Man!

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterM

I don't like sports*. When people get to talking at me about a sport, I find the easiest way out is to say I don't like it because of something that even the biggest fans dislike. That way they think they understand my lack of enthusiasm and don't try to change my mind. Usually it's football so I just say I can't watch a game where the last 5 minutes take an hour to play. The truth is I can't watch a game where I'm utterly disinterested in absolutely everything that happens.

*exceptions being made for lumberjack games, competitive eating, and any sport involving attaching wheels to things that shouldn't have wheels and riding them down hills.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterwumpus

Well, I like Sci-fi, music, and sports. I'm also a dork through and through. I'm one of those people who read about advanced statistics.

For any other dorks who like sports and music, I recently watched the movie "Invictus" and enjoyed it so much (despite the fact that Matt Damon has the range of a wooden spoon) that I promptly downloaded and watched the 1995 Sports Increment Rugby World Cup finals. It's an experience I highly recommend.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCzernobog

Aargh! The format changed! How will I cope? This is worse than the copyright notice!

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoshua

The instruction is "Don't talk to me about sports." Me either, mostly.

Does it work to tell people that it's against your religion? You know, like in "Chariots of Fire". That's a sports movie, so I guess you don't. There's this guy who... you know what, never mind. :-)

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRobert Carnegie

Congratulations on giving the cruelly oppressive "How To" restriction the heave-ho. I'm sure your fans will be horrified, and threaten immediate personal implosion unless you change it back. Ignore them.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterErbuline

Great one! :-)

The moral of the story: Different people like different stuff. And while it may be OK to do some missionary work for the stuff you like once in a while, you should refrain from trying to force it down other people's throats.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBird of Prey

I prefer the term "geek" myself.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdoppleganger

This reminds me of the comment I once read where someone described fantasy football as being "Dungeons & Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons."

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSeanF

What if I'm both? We need a BI too, Scott!

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSavageMonkeys

Next up. How to transform a comic based on "How to" into "Why I do" without anyone noticing.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJN

Luckily, I got to be a sci fi fan and computer nerd with no repercussions. Kinda cool to live in a modest rural community... in a 5-story house with 12 bedrooms and an 18-car garage. Nobody ever called me names. To my face.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDrowlord

Didn't you know that (sports guy) loves Star Trek too? And (other sports guy) even had a walk-on part in (geeky show)!

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterResuna

One of the best things about being done with college is that I don't have to pretend to care about football anymore. (I'm told that the university where I went sometimes won national championships.)

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

I like sci-fi and sports! I guess I can push a lot of conversations on to people. LOB!

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Fet

Sadly, this is all too true with me. My father told me for years that I was wasting my money buying all those Star Trek books. Yet he now pays for the largest football package he can get from his cable/satellite company, even though there is no way he can possibly watch even more than half of those games.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMike N

It's possible to appreciate both while not forming a personal identity around your fandom, annoying coworkers, and making generalities about people that perpetuate stereotypes.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRobert Hologram

So both people are assholes. Got it.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSteven

@Santiago: I thought dorks were sticklers for spelling as well. It's "explanation."

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMike

@Patrick: No, I can think of one other from a while back.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve


This has got to be the VERY BEST ever look at issue of sports fans versus the non sports fan I have ever seen. I too am not a fan of sports (at least the popular ones... football, soccer, basketball, hockey, NASCAR, that sort of thing). I *used to* try to keep up on a very basic, rudimentary knowledge of recent sports events so I would have something to chat about with the ultra-rabid sports fans on my my side and my wife's side of the family, but I have found a less taxing way to do that now. Most ultra-rabid sports fans simply want to talk and are not as concerned about if you reply or not, so if you adopt the psychologist's ploy of nodding knowingly and saying "yes, interesting" at appropriate times, 95% of the time you will do ok. When it was more tolerated to smoke in public, the meticulousness I could devote to preparing and smoking my pipe would also be carefully utilized to fill time and allow the ultra-sports fan to continue to talk.


August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPipeTobacco

FWIW, I'm a Star Trek writer who doesn't care much about sports, and I love telling people about Basic Instructions.

Note from Scott: Thanks! as I've said, I love me some Star Trek (And that includes DS9).

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDavid Mack


unfortunately, the people who call us dorks are now running The Sci-Fi channel...(oops i mean SyFy) into the ground.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterltdotson

"I'm the same way (except I'm a music junkie instead of a sci-fi fan). I just tell people I was born without a sports gene."

I know we call those people faggots.

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnon1332

To each their own, but am I the only one who likes sci-fi/fantasy/geek culture AND sports?

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJ

I hate people that insult or question one's masculinity because they don't like sports, especially football. Some people take sports WAY too seriously!

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNik

I don't feel like I was instructed to do anything by this comic. )-:

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAdam S.

diversification! Kewl!

August 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSolak

A lot of my husband's coworkers used to try to talk to him about sports. Then one day, after somebody had been talking at him for several minutes about football or something, he gasped and said in a really excited voice (because he'd actually only just figured it out), "Oh! You're talking about sports!" Now people don't really do that anymore.

i don't get that sort of thing quite as much (probably because I'm female), but when I do, I've been known to threaten to talk to people about Doctor Who if they don't stop talking to me about sports.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbionelly

I don't like sci-fi or sports, but I like this strip.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Scott, Wumpus has an interesting suggestion.
"How to Settle Disputes Without Bloodshed?" Rocket Hat and the Moon Emperor could do battle with an eating contest! I'd suggest moon cheese.

August 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMike N
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