How to Impress NOBODY

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Reader Comments (28)

Can I brag about being first?
Nah seriously, great comic man, discovered 'em on cracked a while ago. I've grown very fond of Basic Instructions. You've got a real talent there. Hats off.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDrusus

Nice switch-up from "BDAAAAAAH!"

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

The guy holding the chicken is the same from another comic, where he claims that holding a chicken this way doesn't "hurt their market value" :)

Very funny comic, BTW!

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiguel

Michael, you mean "BDGAAA!" (also spelled with another "A" or two).

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKeith

The idea of having "a chicken this good" is just really bizarrely hilarious to me.

September 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPatrick

i saw the heading in panel 3, then Scott's pose, and cracked up. Awesome comic again.
And just how many scream varieties are there?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterInvisibleMoon

The third panel makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRowan

That 4th panel is GOLD, Jerry, GOLD!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

I think we should make a list of things that make Scott cringe like that. Or elicit the elusive BDGAAA!

- Chickens.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterxenapan

Nobody cringes like you, Scott.

(And bye the way, that is one intimidating, higly-lofted chicken to a man with a shaved head - whether she gets viscious or broody, you don't stand a chance . . .)

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPaddy

"I can switch arms. You can't switch personalities" is another instant BI classic. I am wondering how I will fit that into conversation. I don't have a chicken to carry around, but maybe any bird would work? Or maybe my Cthulhu plushie....

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermoojen

would you mind holding my cock and pullet?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJames Yeamans

Oh, this is hilarious! Sending it to my daughter, who raises chickens.

Hmm . . . . My first thought in re "BDGAAA" and "NGAAAAH" was Spock going over the difference between "fascinating" and "interesting." Does that make me a geek?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRob

@Rob: Yes, yes it does. Right there with ya.

NGAAAAH most accurately portrays Scott's horrified surprise. BDGAAA would have been found... lacking.

Seriously though, hilarious as always.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

Hold on, hold on, guys. "BDGAAAAA"? Isn't it "BGDAAAAA"? The "G" precedes the "D". Seriously, check your spelling.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRudi

First panel was brilliant, good show!

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFlamov

If you keep cringing like that, one day it's going to stick. /my mom

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternorbizness

The other guy's comeback about chickens in panel 2 is what people tell me all the time to try to sell me on anime. Actually if you change "don't like" to "viscerally hate" in panel 2 and then change all the dialogue and props from that point forward to be about anime instead of chickens, then I've had that conversation many times.

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLummox JR

Is the guy with the chicken Stacy Peralta?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDave

My family had a pet chicken when we were young and I remember holding the chicken like that (we might have even called it the "balloon hold" or "chicken ice cream").

Scott, your fear of feathered creatures amuses me...

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

@Lummox JR: Instead of anime, put in sushi, and I have had the panel 2 conversation many times. "I don't like sushi." "What?? Have you tried it?" "Yes" "Well, you haven't tried 'good' sushi. Let's try my favorite place." "Okay, I tried it (again), I still don't like sushi."

We also have friends who have chickens... Stupid, smelly fowl...

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterphaser

Apparently there really are chickens this good, at least according to one photographer. Check out the story, as told in one of This American Life's Poultry Slams.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/252/poultry-slam-2003

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah909

replace chicken with penis in that last panel

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdam

@Lummox: yes! This one's awesome for a whole flock of 'just change ___ to ___'! "Why don't you___/ you really don't want me to"; all of P2; the last comment in P3 and ...er ...who cares if they think you're funny or clever as long as they cringe well?

September 16, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

I am so lame. I go through the comments hoping to see "Note from Scott". Awesome comic as usual. Also, BGDAAAA!

Note from Scott: I pretty much had to leave a not on this one, now didn't I?

September 19, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVuvuzela

@moojen - take it from me, using a squid named Cthulhu is more effective than a Cthulhu plushie.

September 20, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJane

What's the matter, (Cartoon) Scott? Chicken?!

October 4, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJason Toddman

My dad insisted on having a chicken farm in several places we lived, and I agree with you, Scott. Live chickens are some stupid and disgusting creatures. The 'free range' marketing gimmick doesn't mean as much when you've seen the things they'd voluntarily eat while ranging free.

July 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArchive Binging

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