How to Reminisce

This is pretty much a true story. My older brother had a Green Machine, which was awesome. I had what we called a "Batman Machine," which was even better.  My younger brother had a Big Wheel that wasn't in the same league. Dad buried driveway in gravel making it impossible to move fast, but insuring that all three of us had powerful leg muscles.

Also, for the record, someone I know used the line "they treat me like a mushroom." Later, he explained "they keep me in the dark." Neither I, nor the three other people there had ever heard it before, so we all just figured it was a manifestation of his insanity. Sorry about that.

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Reader Comments (26)

The whole thing is "they keep me in the dark and shovel sh*t on me".

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDavid, Chandler, AZ

So, it was a manifestation of insanity. Just on your part, apparently. Good times!

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPhilster

I believe the full version goes "they keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit."

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOBH

In addition to keeping them in the dark, people also dump manure on mushrooms. This second characteristic is traditionally referenced following the complaint "they treat me like a mushroom."

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZac Mutrux

We had to ride the Bigwheel without the seat so we'd fit. We was too old when they came out. But, We had the Scat-Cat, a pedal-powered go-carrt you could flip up and ride on two wheels ! Good times.

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJames Yeamans

I had a Green Machine. It was awesome! Two decades later, it got re-released as the SideWinder, with the colors reversed (black body with green wheels, instead of the original green body with black wheels), and I bought one for the kids I didn't yet have. Thing was in storage for years until I actually had kids and they were old enough to ride it.

Wow, now that's obsessive!

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCR

I wish when I were a kid I'd thought to ask for "Same thing as him, but much cooler."

June 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPatrick

With regards to the mushroom thing, I think that's what made the strip even more authentic! HA guy was only getting it half right, anyway.

Squirrel that one away for a How To Rebuttal a Bad Joke, Worse. "They treat us like mushrooms! HA!" "They finely chop us, saute us with garlic, onions and breadcrumbs, and stuff us up a birds backside for Thanks Giving? Where it's dark? And there's been pooh?" "Oh, close. I've never thought of it like that."

I didn't have a Green Machine, but I had a Kawasaki big wheel. It had clickers in the rear wheels, silver paint on the spokes. It was green and orange. My dad spent a lot of time placing all the stickers on it just right so that on Christmas morning, it was awesome.

When my sister was old enough, she got a big wheel. It wasn't as awesome. It was black and yellow, and I don't remember it having any stickers... I think she peeled them off. But her seat was adjustable, meaning the holes for the seat pegs would fill up with water and bugs and mowed grass and it stunk. But mine was still pretty awesome.

I want a big wheel again.

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

This made me happy that I do not have any siblings... Until I remembered that I don't have any siblings because my mom had four miscarriages, now I am sad. Thanks allot.

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGregory Bogosian

I remember Green Machines! We used to live on a long, steep hill and all the neighborhood kids would grab Big Wheels and other riding toys and go down it at top speed. There was a busy street at the bottom so we'd have to make a sharp left to avoid certain death. Best times were when the kid with the Radio Flyer Inchworm would let us borrow it. Once that thing got up to top speed, it bounced fast enough to shake our eyeballs loose.

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

waht?! only the oldest of the three (still) has hair? and the youngest looks like the oldest to me and the oldest looks like the youngest, and yes, you're still in the middle, Scott. :))

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkal

My brother scraped all the skin off the tops of his feet (trying to stop) flying down a steep street on a Green Machine! Good Times!

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBI Fan

Ah yes.

I remember when they kept us in the dark and fed us shit.

Good times!

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous

I loved the Green Machine, eventually broke the levers throwing them as hard as I could trying to get a 720. Now I am reminiscing.

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNoel Proulx

I had a Big Wheel. I don't remember much about mine.... but our family likes to reminisce about the time my Mom and little sister tumbled head-over-wheels down the hill of death on her Big Wheel.... good times......

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

I've never been on a Green Machine, but rode many a Big Wheel in my time, although never one of my own. Always had to ride a neighbor's Big Wheel. The spin-out lever never worked nearly as awesomely as they showed on the commercials, which is a fine introduction to life, if you think about it.

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndy Lester

For all those reminiscing about the green machine, check out:
http://www.wired.com/autopia/2011/03/green-machine-bike-is-a-big-wheel-for-grownups/

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenter408wij

Is that a brother with hair?

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMandydog

We just build adult sized "green machines".

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOldbear

My sister got a big wheel when we were kids--I was past the point of wanting one--and my dad made the most awesome modification in the history of consumer feedback screw-yous. He found a wedge-shaped part in the instructions that was only there to make a clicky-clack noise when the wheels turned, giving the trikes their singular annoying sound. Determining the plans wouldn't work without the part present, but not wanting to deal with the clicking, he sheared off the wedge with a large pocket knife, leaving only the ring that was actually needed for the structure.

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLummox JR

Are you brothers having a competition to see who can have the best facial hair?

June 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGreg

I learned to parallel park on a Green Machine. For coolness, not to mention instructional value, there's no comparison between a Big Wheel and a Green Machine.

June 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdl573

Such amazing facial hair from all three brothers.

June 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBric

It took me a while to like this one, I read it about a dozen times and started laughing on the last read - I think I'm a tad slow, but, like a mushroom, this one took time to grow on me.

June 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJawfin

Scott, are you related to the guys from Orange County Choppers?

June 8, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermonomer

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