How to Be Friends with an Attractive Woman when You're a Heterosexual Man

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Reader Comments (27)


March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJudas Peckerwood

It's amazing the number of situations that, "... but not as attractive as remaining happily married and gainfully employed" applies to.

Words to live by.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered Commentersford

I'm not sure what it is, Scott, but you seem to have this affinity for making panel 3 just stellar.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGreg

Actually, having female friends has taught me that women know a lot less about men than they think they do. I already knew all of that unpleasant stuff about men.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSoul of Wit

Wasn't this a repost?

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRyan Malkin

Out of all the funny things I read on the internet (cracked,xkcd,Least I Could Do, SMBC) Basic Instructions constantly makes me laugh the hardest.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTyler

@Greg: I think it's the rapport he has with Scott Adams; Dilbert's a three-panel strip.

That's not to say that panels 1, 2, and 4 aren't still fantastic. Because they are.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

After reading the fourth panel I feel slightly soiled.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commentercsrster

"sensitive, with amazing stamina" is a great way to put people off balance. Jenkins may be an ass, but that was an amazing comeback.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterButagami

This is rubbish. Every man has a sensitivity gland. You just need to know how to engage it. It's actually quite simple . First thing in the morning when you get out of bed on a work day. Beat your eggs, flog your dolphin, wobble the salami, clean your pipes, however you want to say it.

Once you have flushed your protein rich man-shake, you will then be able to converse with angelina jolie and not act like a male chauvinist pig. Once you eliminate the basic primitive urge to procreate with fine specimens it'll be like talking with your buddy. This also is great for first dates. Don't worry if you score on the first date but have squeezed out the eel juice, because even though you having already blown your load you will actually be a better performer in "ad hoc" situations having greater "stamina". Good luck to all you men who punch above your weight. Go forth and conquer

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommentersensitiveGuy

Thank you! As a woman who has had to deal with a few Jenkins, (not saying I'm a raving beauty, but seriously, how attractive do we have to be to get hit on inappropriately?) I appreciate this comic! I always love the humor, but I actually feel defended this time.

I think most men are more like you, Scott. Maybe I'm naive, or I just surround myself with the right guy friends. Either way, thanks to all the decent guys out there.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVictoria

Panel 3... TOTAL win!!!

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBiscus

i think that shall be my new catch phrase

"sensitive, with amazing stamina"

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterisiah

Just to reiterate what everyone's saying, the Scott's response in panel 3 is so full of win.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGus Snarp

I love this comic. And Jenkins rivals Mullet Boss in his powers as butt-of-the-joke.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPatrick

Having seen a small sample from when you did stand-up comedy, I won't lie, part of me wishes you'd continued. But if switching to webcomics was more satisfying, less stressful, and gave you more control over career (not needing to deal with clubs and such), and more time to spend with your clearly amazing wife, then I really can't question your decision. BUT.... given the monster success of SMBC Theatre as an offshoot of SMBC the webcomic (as ostensibly just YouTube hosted, and then site embedded videos), might it be possible, as a SPECIAL event, to ever see a short new stand-up routine?

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOldskool

@Butagami: Yeah, but what made him think he needed a comeback? It was a simple question. Personally, I always answer the same thing to that particular question, regardless of who's asking or any other consideration: "Fine. You?" This has never caused me any problem, ever, and and doesn't necessitate any thinking.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUncollated

Eh. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with a jerk like Jenkins, I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone as patronising as that lady either.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

I just finished my second pass through the archives. I have to say that with a second reading not more than 70% of the panels are astoundingly funny. So while I laughed loudly at all four panels today I fear the third time I read it I will only laugh three times.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMatt Silberstein

@ Matt S: you were quite unclear on the laughing part. Fact is that you could laugh three times but at all four panels. So I'm not sure what you are trying to say about your third viewing.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCat Person

I enjoyed this A LOT. Kind of made my day in fact.
I'm sure it will prove quite useful whenever I happen to be a heterosexual man.

March 28, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura Elizabeth

Need one on How to Be Friends with an Attractive Woman when you're a Single Heterosexual Man

March 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBumpy Jonkers


I see it an an unsettling alternative to this:

March 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterButagami

Next topic: How to be friends with a homosexual man when you're a hetersexual man.

BTW, I missed a day and read the last two comics in a I've used up all my laughs for the day. Thanks a lot! But seriously, BTILC rocks, and this comic mirrors my life and yet remains forcefully hilarious!

March 29, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSolak

In short, be a eunuch.
Which boils down, eventually, to "there IS no way to be 'friends' with an attractive woman when you're a heterosexual man."
Remember: Friendship is what you have left when you take love and then suck all the passion and flavor out of it.

March 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

"Need one on How to Be Friends with an Attractive Woman when you're a Single Heterosexual Man"

Replace "...not as attractive as remaining happily married and gainfully employed." with "I'm playing a long game, where I become your most trusted friend, seduce you, and then screw you over like LeBron did Cleveland." Hopefully you'll be joking.

October 16, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy

Thank goodness SOMEONE said it.

If there is one thing worse than being sleazily, openly hit upon in an inappropriate fashion, it is having a guy attempt to be your friend even though he thinks you're attractive (whether or not you are). And it's apparently freaking impossible for most guys to do without sounding like they wanted to ooze their way into your pants over time. Don't put yourself into the friend zone unless you want to be there; it's a great way to start a good relationship, but only if the woman forcefully pulls you out of the friend zone. Which won't happen if you're a lying sleazeball who would clearly ditch a friend forever as soon as she rejects him. And we can tell. And we do not appreciate it.

-climbs off of soapbox-

November 15, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCRH
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