Actually, having female friends has taught me that women know a lot less about men than they think they do. I already knew all of that unpleasant stuff about men.
This is rubbish. Every man has a sensitivity gland. You just need to know how to engage it. It's actually quite simple . First thing in the morning when you get out of bed on a work day. Beat your eggs, flog your dolphin, wobble the salami, clean your pipes, however you want to say it.
Once you have flushed your protein rich man-shake, you will then be able to converse with angelina jolie and not act like a male chauvinist pig. Once you eliminate the basic primitive urge to procreate with fine specimens it'll be like talking with your buddy. This also is great for first dates. Don't worry if you score on the first date but have squeezed out the eel juice, because even though you having already blown your load you will actually be a better performer in "ad hoc" situations having greater "stamina". Good luck to all you men who punch above your weight. Go forth and conquer
Thank you! As a woman who has had to deal with a few Jenkins, (not saying I'm a raving beauty, but seriously, how attractive do we have to be to get hit on inappropriately?) I appreciate this comic! I always love the humor, but I actually feel defended this time.
I think most men are more like you, Scott. Maybe I'm naive, or I just surround myself with the right guy friends. Either way, thanks to all the decent guys out there.
Having seen a small sample from when you did stand-up comedy, I won't lie, part of me wishes you'd continued. But if switching to webcomics was more satisfying, less stressful, and gave you more control over career (not needing to deal with clubs and such), and more time to spend with your clearly amazing wife, then I really can't question your decision. BUT.... given the monster success of SMBC Theatre as an offshoot of SMBC the webcomic (as ostensibly just YouTube hosted, and then site embedded videos), might it be possible, as a SPECIAL event, to ever see a short new stand-up routine?
@Butagami: Yeah, but what made him think he needed a comeback? It was a simple question. Personally, I always answer the same thing to that particular question, regardless of who's asking or any other consideration: "Fine. You?" This has never caused me any problem, ever, and and doesn't necessitate any thinking.
Eh. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with a jerk like Jenkins, I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone as patronising as that lady either.
I just finished my second pass through the archives. I have to say that with a second reading not more than 70% of the panels are astoundingly funny. So while I laughed loudly at all four panels today I fear the third time I read it I will only laugh three times.
@ Matt S: you were quite unclear on the laughing part. Fact is that you could laugh three times but at all four panels. So I'm not sure what you are trying to say about your third viewing.
Next topic: How to be friends with a homosexual man when you're a hetersexual man.
BTW, I missed a day and read the last two comics in a row.....now I've used up all my laughs for the day. Thanks a lot! But seriously, BTILC rocks, and this comic mirrors my life and yet remains forcefully hilarious!
In short, be a eunuch. Which boils down, eventually, to "there IS no way to be 'friends' with an attractive woman when you're a heterosexual man." Remember: Friendship is what you have left when you take love and then suck all the passion and flavor out of it.
"Need one on How to Be Friends with an Attractive Woman when you're a Single Heterosexual Man"
Replace "...not as attractive as remaining happily married and gainfully employed." with "I'm playing a long game, where I become your most trusted friend, seduce you, and then screw you over like LeBron did Cleveland." Hopefully you'll be joking.
If there is one thing worse than being sleazily, openly hit upon in an inappropriate fashion, it is having a guy attempt to be your friend even though he thinks you're attractive (whether or not you are). And it's apparently freaking impossible for most guys to do without sounding like they wanted to ooze their way into your pants over time. Don't put yourself into the friend zone unless you want to be there; it's a great way to start a good relationship, but only if the woman forcefully pulls you out of the friend zone. Which won't happen if you're a lying sleazeball who would clearly ditch a friend forever as soon as she rejects him. And we can tell. And we do not appreciate it.
March 27, 2011
Reader Comments (27)
Outstanding.
It's amazing the number of situations that, "... but not as attractive as remaining happily married and gainfully employed" applies to.
Words to live by.
I'm not sure what it is, Scott, but you seem to have this affinity for making panel 3 just stellar.
Actually, having female friends has taught me that women know a lot less about men than they think they do. I already knew all of that unpleasant stuff about men.
Wasn't this a repost?
Out of all the funny things I read on the internet (cracked,xkcd,Least I Could Do, SMBC) Basic Instructions constantly makes me laugh the hardest.
@Greg: I think it's the rapport he has with Scott Adams; Dilbert's a three-panel strip.
That's not to say that panels 1, 2, and 4 aren't still fantastic. Because they are.
After reading the fourth panel I feel slightly soiled.
"sensitive, with amazing stamina" is a great way to put people off balance. Jenkins may be an ass, but that was an amazing comeback.
This is rubbish. Every man has a sensitivity gland. You just need to know how to engage it. It's actually quite simple . First thing in the morning when you get out of bed on a work day. Beat your eggs, flog your dolphin, wobble the salami, clean your pipes, however you want to say it.
Once you have flushed your protein rich man-shake, you will then be able to converse with angelina jolie and not act like a male chauvinist pig. Once you eliminate the basic primitive urge to procreate with fine specimens it'll be like talking with your buddy. This also is great for first dates. Don't worry if you score on the first date but have squeezed out the eel juice, because even though you having already blown your load you will actually be a better performer in "ad hoc" situations having greater "stamina". Good luck to all you men who punch above your weight. Go forth and conquer
Thank you! As a woman who has had to deal with a few Jenkins, (not saying I'm a raving beauty, but seriously, how attractive do we have to be to get hit on inappropriately?) I appreciate this comic! I always love the humor, but I actually feel defended this time.
I think most men are more like you, Scott. Maybe I'm naive, or I just surround myself with the right guy friends. Either way, thanks to all the decent guys out there.
Panel 3... TOTAL win!!!
i think that shall be my new catch phrase
"sensitive, with amazing stamina"
Just to reiterate what everyone's saying, the Scott's response in panel 3 is so full of win.
I love this comic. And Jenkins rivals Mullet Boss in his powers as butt-of-the-joke.
Having seen a small sample from when you did stand-up comedy, I won't lie, part of me wishes you'd continued. But if switching to webcomics was more satisfying, less stressful, and gave you more control over career (not needing to deal with clubs and such), and more time to spend with your clearly amazing wife, then I really can't question your decision. BUT.... given the monster success of SMBC Theatre as an offshoot of SMBC the webcomic (as ostensibly just YouTube hosted, and then site embedded videos), might it be possible, as a SPECIAL event, to ever see a short new stand-up routine?
@Butagami: Yeah, but what made him think he needed a comeback? It was a simple question. Personally, I always answer the same thing to that particular question, regardless of who's asking or any other consideration: "Fine. You?" This has never caused me any problem, ever, and and doesn't necessitate any thinking.
Eh. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with a jerk like Jenkins, I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone as patronising as that lady either.
I just finished my second pass through the archives. I have to say that with a second reading not more than 70% of the panels are astoundingly funny. So while I laughed loudly at all four panels today I fear the third time I read it I will only laugh three times.
@ Matt S: you were quite unclear on the laughing part. Fact is that you could laugh three times but at all four panels. So I'm not sure what you are trying to say about your third viewing.
I enjoyed this A LOT. Kind of made my day in fact.
I'm sure it will prove quite useful whenever I happen to be a heterosexual man.
Need one on How to Be Friends with an Attractive Woman when you're a Single Heterosexual Man
@uncollated
I see it an an unsettling alternative to this: http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2008/4/21/how-to-tell-someone-how-you-are-doing.html
Next topic: How to be friends with a homosexual man when you're a hetersexual man.
BTW, I missed a day and read the last two comics in a row.....now I've used up all my laughs for the day. Thanks a lot! But seriously, BTILC rocks, and this comic mirrors my life and yet remains forcefully hilarious!
In short, be a eunuch.
Which boils down, eventually, to "there IS no way to be 'friends' with an attractive woman when you're a heterosexual man."
Remember: Friendship is what you have left when you take love and then suck all the passion and flavor out of it.
"Need one on How to Be Friends with an Attractive Woman when you're a Single Heterosexual Man"
Replace "...not as attractive as remaining happily married and gainfully employed." with "I'm playing a long game, where I become your most trusted friend, seduce you, and then screw you over like LeBron did Cleveland." Hopefully you'll be joking.
Thank goodness SOMEONE said it.
If there is one thing worse than being sleazily, openly hit upon in an inappropriate fashion, it is having a guy attempt to be your friend even though he thinks you're attractive (whether or not you are). And it's apparently freaking impossible for most guys to do without sounding like they wanted to ooze their way into your pants over time. Don't put yourself into the friend zone unless you want to be there; it's a great way to start a good relationship, but only if the woman forcefully pulls you out of the friend zone. Which won't happen if you're a lying sleazeball who would clearly ditch a friend forever as soon as she rejects him. And we can tell. And we do not appreciate it.
-climbs off of soapbox-