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Reader Comments (54)

"The Defeatist Cantaloupes" would be an excellent name for a band. Their first single would be "Violent Carrot".

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAjax

Your conversation didn't just get side-tracked - it went through a wormhole!

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterByron Black

Laughed out loud at every single panel!

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRoy

Better a carrot than a parsnip if we're worried about the taste of stick.

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertonelawc

Hi Scott,

I was wondering if you could get the real-life Rick to do a guest comic? Published exactly as he draws it. That could be quite interesting.

Another thing I thought about, maybe you could host fan-fic of Basic Instructions? I am not actually sure that this is a good idea, but I will explain it anyway. You could let your readers upload their own Basic Instruction fanfiction, which you host on the site as a separate section to the real Basic Instrctions, and then you could use any of the better ones as guest strips if you feel out of ideas. I thought it might be handy to give you a break sometimes, given that you have recently written comics about running out of ideas when writing comics. This comes with an added bonus that whenever someone says to you "you could do an instruction about [something]," you can tell them to do it themselves.

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStrangelet

The Boss rulez! :D

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhari

I think I injured myself laughing at this one.

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSterling Camden

and the fifth panel would be you having walked away while Boss and Jenkins argue with each other over which fruit is best for being beaten with :)

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterdrivinallnight

Defeatist? The only thing we're sure cantaloupes can't do is elope.

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEric Phillips

Reminds me of the many, many conversations that I've had...or tried to have. Either way, this one was LOL all the way.
"Are you coming on to me?" I love mullet boss.

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfiona26

I regret only that I have but one "+" to give to this strip.

December 13, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGawain

Please tell me you are going to follow up on the cantaloupe story! Don't leave us hanging!

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUncle Martin

As always a simply brilliant comic. You, sir, get my money. I'm gonna get my dad the desktop calender for the holiday.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrock Freaking Samson

Who put the can't in cantaloupe?

Note from Scott: There it is! See! Anticlimax.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJosh

Cantaloupe, if you'd kept working at it you could have been watermelon. But you just gave up, threw away everything. You make me sick.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterInnominate

The myth that cantaloupes are defeatist was spread by Winston Rowntree Churchill, who hated that they could pull off the bald look better than him.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChris Barts

Can you write a comic explaining how cantaloupes can be defeatist? Pretty please?

Note from Scott: I do have a rationale for Jenkins' belief that cantaloupes are defeatist, but it would be a huge anticlimax.

Seriously. You wouldn't be impressed.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjcp

Oh, this was fantastic! One of the best BI installments in a long time.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPatrick

Yet another "All-4-frames-are-brilliant" from Scott.
I love the first one =)

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOedlan

Trivia: cantaloupes can substitute for bowling balls if you happen to lose yours.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjh

I laughed at every panel. It's so impressive how you can fit three or four comic strips worth of funny material into each one of your strips. Each panel has the dialog ( and therefore the laughs) of a normal complete comic.

I found your site from Cracked several months ago and have been working my way through the achives from the beginning. I'm trying to read only a few a night to make them last.

When I get a few bucks I'll buy some of your books for friends.

Thank you for making at least one time of my every day full of laughter.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Sometimes conversations do just go like that - laughed long and hard at each panel.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJess Hurchist

I'm going to spend all week thinking about how cantaloupes could be defeatist.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLarry

I must say that the "defeatist" line in the 4th panel had me cracking up several minutes, even though I really don't know why.

Keep up the good work! :)

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTatan

Buwahahahahahah, panel one had me laughing the loudest. "Are you coming on to me?"

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCrystalis

Defeatist? WTH?!

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterac

Beautiful as always ^^

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermorerunes

Scott, are you coming on to me? A laff in every panel. Kudos.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSue Dunham

This has happened to me. More than once, actually.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRob

Cantaloupes, they seem so complex.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhwuu

Maybe it's just because I'm in a good mood but this is one of the funniest things I've ever read on this site (and that's really saying something).

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterIan

Defeatists? How are they defeatists? They are delicious, is what they are. Or does he mean how they are hollow inside? That has always bothered me. The cantaloupe truly is a soul-less fruit. Its sad, really.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBen in AZ

canteloupes are buddhist i think.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpoorwheeler

You deliver so much more in your comics that it makes me wonder why syndicated comics are expected to deliver seven strips a week. Why can't two or three people alternate in the same space? [I remember now -- they want to earn a living] I don't think you could possibly deliver strips of this quality every single day.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDoug

Did anyone else read "Are you coming on to me?" in Dr Zoidberg's voice [Futurama - Roswell that ends well]?

Also, for those confused by the defeatist comment, cantaloupe begins with CAN'T. That's it, I don' think there's much more to it. Feel free to jump in if I'm wrong Scott.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSarcasmo

I like it, I like it. That said, may I please go into pedant mode for a moment?

The carrot and stick approach is not supposed to have anything to do with reward and punishment. It means getting someone to do something by dangling a reward just out of reach.

This supposedly comes from an old story about how you get a donkey to move. You sit on the donkey's back with a carrot tied to the end of a stick. You use the stick to dangle the carrot in front of the donkey's nose and he moves forward to get it, but of course, he never gets there. Eventually you have a bitter, disillusioned donkey, but you can still eat the carrot yourself later.

Of course, people have misused "carrot and stick approach" for so long now, that the wrong way is becoming the right way. Sort of like Sixtht.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarco

I laughed so hard I stopped work at the office. Tears are running down my face. Of course it was funnier when I thought defeatist cantaloups were just randomly weird and not "can't" elope." I don't know how you keep doing this. Briliant. Thank you!

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

I think one of the funniest parts of this comic is relating to the sense of frustration I feel when this happens to me, then remembering the relief you feel when you decide to give up and "go with the flow". And if cantaloupe is the defeatist fruit, then honeydew is the nagging fruit.

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSolak

'Are you coming onto me?' I'm thankful I didn't have a mouthful of coffee when I read that one. Really, Frame 1 is one of your best all by itself. Sure, the other three enhance, but the first frame is killer!

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermcinsand

I can't find Violent Carrot by the The Defeatist Cantaloupes on iTunes?

December 14, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrip Hazard

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