How to Have Nice Things

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Reader Comments (56)

As someone who came from a family with lots of cats, the key here is to have all your carpet harball-colored. It worked for my parents!

Loved panel 2 by the way.

October 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPaul

That should be "as it gets damaged" in two. Very funny otherwise! thanks for these Scott! buying your book right now!

Note from Scott: Thanks for the heads up! By time you read this, it'll be fixed.

October 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDuncan


October 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteridiot

"I might be doing something pointless, but at least I'm doing something."
Too true. Hahahaha

October 25, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJustin

oh man...did u proof read this one while u were half asleep

Note from Scott: Niiiiice. A new form of psychological torture. Act like there are multiple mistakes, but don't actually tell me what they might be, or where they are. Awesome.

October 25, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteradi

Pure win. My own two cats barf on my carpet a couple times a week. In some case, it appears to be a reaction to overeating. Yes, my cats are what's wrong with Amurica

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterben

Oh please, please give warnings before you publish things like this! I couldn't even get past the first panel without crying from laughing so hard. Or maybe I am just crying, as I look at my brand new, cat-barf-stained sofa. No, pretty sure I was laughing.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterwendybird

I was considering getting one of those machines for identical reasons. Now I'm having second thoughts.

Note from Scott: We've found the secret to stain-free cat ownership. It's a one-two punch. You get and use a machine like the one in the strip AND (and I wish this were a joke) you find a cat food that is similar in color to your carpet.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLummox JR

Wait what? How? Did something happen to the world while I slept? I've NEVER been first. I've never even TRIED to be the first person to comment.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHS

Missy should be glad that you aren't just shaping the barf as a cup-holder.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterByron Black

Cats <3

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanne

Okay, since I've NEVER had a chance to say this before...FIRST!!! (unless someone gets to it WHILE I'm typing this)

Anyway, hilarious, as usual =)

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDeliRae


October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermgelliott

When the cat starts to choke and splutter, you pick it up and fling it at your enemy. Assuming your enemies are outside the house, that's two problems solved.

And if your enemies are inside the house, my money's on her, frankly.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoshua

That last comment in panel one needs a t-shirt... fantastic!

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEva

Ya know, the first panel had the best line of the whole piece I think. It was all good stuff, per the norm, but more cats and much unhappier enemies resonates with me. :-P

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCrystalis

Last line in panel 3 definitely needs to be a shirt!

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrew

I really like this comic, especially because I don't have pets, and so have concluded that all carpets just have a built-in staining mechanism to keep people buying new carpet. Not sure if it's dye pads in the backing, or layers of coloring on the yarn tufts that wear off with time.

BUT, my brother works for Bissell, and has 3 cats, a dog, and a machine very similar to the one you're holding. HIS problem is that after he uses it on a pet stain, he has one beautiful, blindingly clean spot that makes the rest of the carpet look awful. Maybe there's a trick to it. :)

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrobin

Love the Spot-Bot. No sense in cleaning the entire rug for one dirty spot. I've had a similar conversation with people expecting their first child. If you have anything you don't want broken, throw it out.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFrank M

Okay, everyone. It's time to stop assuming you're "first," okay?

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEaglesQuestions

Scott, love it! While I am sure you are obsessive about making typo's and other grammar mistakes, it is part of the charm imho. Keep rolling with it. You do great work.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAC

Considering how many comments there were before someone who said 'first', I must say I'm impressed with how intense people follow you.
But about the comic: Amazing strip, first panel was awesome. :)

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJoris

This whole strip is comic genius and an instant classic! "I might be doing something pointless, but at least I'm doing something" sums up my whole life. How do you do it Scott?That needs to be a t-shirt or a coffee mug or maybe a needlepoint pillow.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermoojen

I have found you can dramatically reduce cat barfing caused by over eating by REDUCING HOW MUCH YOU GIVE THEM TO EAT. As an interesting corollary, I have also found that, the less you feed them, the more affectionate they get. Just to clarify, this only works with indoor cats. And there is probably a limit to the "less food / more affection" curve as the amount of food approaches zero.....

By the way, to anyone who posts "FIRST" on a moderated comment thread, I would like to point out that if I were the moderator, I would make a point of not letting anyone who posted FIRST be the actual first. Disclaimer: I have no proof either way whether Scott follows this policy, I'm just sayin ?!

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSolak

The real solution to hairballs is regular brushing and laxatives. In case someone wanted to know. :^)

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJaco

Is that the Bissell SpotBot (Pet) (TM)? We were thinking of getting one, because it gets rave reviews, but seriously, it's a FIVE-STEP procedure? I thought it was - set it over spot, turn it on; done! Dang!

This is a really funny strip on so many levels. thanks, Scott!

Note from Scott: It's the Bissell Little Green, and you do the following:

Make sure there's fluid in the reservoir
Pick up most of the mess. Spray the fluid on the stain
let it sit a bit
use the brush ended vacuum hose to scrub out the mess.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBI Fan

"It's a shame we can't train him to barf on the tile."

Good grief you must have been reading my mind lately, Scott!

Why is it that animals love to make a mess right in the middle of your carpet?!? It doesn't do them any harm to go mess on your tile, but they won't do it... Always right in the middle of the carpet! Makes ME want to throw up! (but not on the carpet.)

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdrian S.

We own the same cat and the same cat-barf carpet-shampooer. (Is shampooer a word?) Our skinny cat never pukes, but then she hardly gets to eat. The BFK (Big Fat Kitty) regularly gorges himself, and then disgorges himself, on the carpet, the couch, the dining room rug, a chair, a bed, and (no joke) the driver's seat of my car. There's nothing quite so unpleasant as getting up in the morning, heading to the shower in the dark, and stepping in a pile of tepid, half-digested, regurgitated cat food.

We did get him to puke less often by putting rocks in the food dish. Eating around the rocks makes him slow down and he doesn't gorge himself as often.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterphaser

This is why I stick to Oriental rugs with complicated multicolored patterns, so the spots blend in. Of course, it also quintuples my odds of finding the hairball by stepping on it barefoot.

Scott, have you ever considered adding a comment under a pseudonym as soon as you upload the new comic to ward off the FIRST'ers?

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKate

Again with the Laughing Out Loud! Thanks!!

Here's a bunch of info:

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSondra

Oh, god. Been there, done that. Not just with cats, but with an errpy dog as well.

"I may be doing something pointless, but at least I'm doing something." --Have you been listening to my wife?

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMike N

2 things have seriously reduced cat barf in my home. 1st I stopped buying the cheapest cat food and started buying the next to cheapest cat food. 2nd I made a concerted effort to remove the non-food things that my cats like to eat from their reach (plastic for one and sewing thread for the other). This has reduced cat barfing to a once a month or less event from a high of 3 or more a week. Much sanity has been restored, my gag reflex isn't on high alert, and the bottoms of my feet are much cleaner.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLazlo

You're whining about cats barfing on the floor? Bunch of pansies. My cats barf on my bed and pillows. Now *that's* something to whine about.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterfolderol

Cats will always seek out the nicest place in the house to barf. Be glad that your carpet is nicer than your bed pillow.

As a corollary, they will also seek out newly purchased or upholstered furniture and make it their own by sharpening their claws on it. At 4:30 a.m.

Finally, they like nothing better than a bed covered in tax filing paperwork. They will hear the shuffling from across the house, leap bolt upright from a dead sleep, and streak to the top of the filing cabinet, from where they will cannonball into the middle of your neatly sorted papers, and roll around in ecstasy.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvelyn S

Despite the feeling that I shouldn't ask this, I can't help myself. Is the cat:

a) your cat, Scott?
b) Missy's cat?
c) a cat that you call jointly yours and Missy's when she's around?
d) a cat that you call jointly owned even when she's not around?

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermcinsand

Install a pet door that leads to your garage and get a dog. Your cat won't be in the house when it's feeling sick (or otherwise vulnerable), and then you only need to worry about dog vomit. Usually dogs will lick up their own vomit, so the mess doesn't have as much chance to soak in. Of course the real solution (which my wife and I eventually decided MUST happen) is to replace all carpeting in the house with tile or laminate flooring. Now, I stay up all night listening to the clickety-clickety-click of animals walking around the house, but their messes are easier to clean.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDrowlord

The real solution to hairballs is to get a dog instead.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRich

Oh, oh, oh ... LAST!!! ... for the moment. Seriously, we need your view of the lives of those who want to be First. It is so inferior to "Whooo, they got the payment before the electricity was shut off!!! (truck was repoed, Guido came to see us, insurance was canceled, etc)

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

I don't have a cat...but I did get to launch my dog off my bed last night when she started making her "I'm about to vomit in your pillows" sound. She didn't appreciate it. My carpet is somehow impervious to liquid, which is super awesome, so it can actually be cleaned up.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaith

You know, if you turn on the loud machine as soon as the cat barfs, that might discourage the cat from barfing.

October 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrady Kj

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