How to Set Someone Straight

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Reader Comments (131)

Ha! Some times it's best to make people not want to talk to you, especially when they started it with the dumb wrong things that they say. But I didn't know that the vampire rules were made up!!

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZoltar

HA!! and thank you!!

My girlfriend made me watch this movie. I laughed the entire way at how utterly ridiculous it is. Disgusted at my lack of genuine amusement, she said that I need to read the books for a more intense effect. I told her that a positive number multiplied by a negative number is a higher negative number. She didn't get it.

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWes

My girlfriend and I ended up watching the movie. We were both armed with a bottle of alcohol, however. It was a necessary part of that horrifying experience.

@ Wes: I read a couple of passages from the book, and it was just as bad as the movie, if not worse. When people say it reads like a bad fan-fiction, they aren't exaggerating.

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRvo

"Werewolves that can change at will and don't fear the full moon", sounds like someone has been reading "The Dresden Files"

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOlz

I hope you know that there were werewolves that change at will and don't fear the full moon [and are quite dreamo] in the books as well. Otherwise the coincidence is just too much!

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhilary

The bit about werewolfs changing at will? ... yeah... watch the trailer for "The New Moon" http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/newmoon_movie.html right to the end. (don't worry its only short). I was curious about Twilight having mostly managed to ignore it and stumbled onto Stephanie Meyers site.

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBluelunar

“...something crazy, like werewolves that can change at will and don’t fear the full moon”.

Like World of Darkness?

August 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJDspeeder1

This is fantastic!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNikkimay

...I enjoy the idea of Twilight vampires being leech-men. I think it puts a new, interesting perspective on the whole series! ^^

Just as long as all the people claiming that Twilight vampires aren't "real" vampires know that they're just as silly as the D&D geek screaming "But green dragons don't breathe fire!" at his television set during a fantasy movie... as long as these people acknowledge what they are becoming, I am fine with this argument.

Mostly because I am the aforementioned D&D geek.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShazzbaa

"Leeches do glisten a bit in bright sunlight" I hadn't stopped laughing since.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteramber

Awesome. Leech-men is the best term I've heard to describe those sparkly abominations!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

Thanks for this! It made my day. "..body glitter and bad hair" ... so true, so true!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Leeches are rather slimy...no doubt if you were to sprinkle glitter on them, it would stick. Hmm...

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

I haven't seen the book or read the film - whatever. There was a BBC programme about vampires, werewolves and ghosts called "Being Human". Total tosh but very enjoyable. I recommend all to check it out. Lenora Crichlow...
Just wanted to say, I was in my local "Borders" bookstore and they now have a section called "Paranormal Romance". So I think Twilight has a lot to answer for.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMike Geordie Brown

Thanks for posting that, hilary ... I knew the fourth panel had to be some reference I wasn't recognizing!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChris

[...] This post was Twitted by tempestbrewer [...]

uh....good luck with that whole "girlfriend" thing LOL

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterspeedymarie

This is a beautiful comic to me. Not only is Twilight physically painful to me in terms of what she does to the good vampire name, as well as the writing, but I really think people are making all the good legends of yore too Hollywood. Oh, this is something interesting to note; vampires were first depicted being destroyed by sunlight in the original Nosferatu, so that myth's sorta recent.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNick G

Being Human was pretty good...
Yeah, Twilight was really badly written, I think. For one part it was fairly... I dunno, but seriously, all of the plotline was based around the fact that Bella and Edwards were together and what resulted in it, no other ulterior motive to all the bad stuff that happened. A little boring if you ask me.
Also, what with all the seriously obsessed Twazi's running around, beating people up and telling them to kill themselves because they think twilight is bad, I don't really want anything to do with it.
Nicely written though, Scott. 'Every halloween from now on we'll have people dressed up claiming to be vampires because they sprayed on some body glitter and didn't wash their hair!' That was good.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThisIsWhoIAm

Not only do the werewolves in Twilight change at will and not fear the full moon, they are also telepathic pedophiles. Stephanie Meyer sure has some imagination.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSwitchbreak

Seriously, you want a real Vampire go check out the original 'Nosferatu'.

Granted, I'm sure 95% of our ADD population couldn't get over the fact that there are no explosions, goofy romantic story, or sex scenes.

Oh, and it's in black and white and silent.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMattZ

:::wild applause::: The leech-men angle hadn't occurred to me, but I will happily adopt it in future discussions with Twilight fans. The idea of vampires shunning sunlight because it makes them even MORE FABULOUS depresses me deeply.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCobwebs

guys have a life dun u ppl have better things to do rather than discussing the book/movie u didnt like
and twilight saga is basically a love story rather than some vampire horror flick
and which one of u have seen a vampire forget one turning into bat to believe that crap
neway twilight series is a fiction if u ppl understand what it means
njoy the imagination of some creative persn and if u can't then get ur minds checked
and about the werewolf thing if u have read the last book u will know that they are shape shifters not werewlves
get ur facts right

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterricha verma

That was awesome.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNena

I'm not a fan of the Twilight series, however I did give the thing a chance and read through all the books. That being said, in reference to the "werewolves" in Twilight, if you had read through all the books (actually just the last one), you would know that the supposed "werewolves" are revealed to not truly be werewolves. Apparently they are just people that can turn into wolves. There are (in Twilight's fictional world) actual werewolves that do change based on the full moon, though Stephenie Meyer only briefly references them.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterclear

Don't read the BOOKS! I can save you the trouble. They suck. My wife made me read them all. Now we are in marriage counseling.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIntenseBordom

Hey, long time fan of TNH. Keep up the good work and maybe check out this guy. http://www.kukuburi.com/

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIntenseBordom

Basically it is the best of both worlds for pre-teen women and sexually frustrated women: a Harlequin romance with hunky unobtainable men who have secret and dangerous powers..... personally makes me want to hurl! My own 15-yr enjoyed the first book but has completely condemned the series since "Meyer messed it all up by rushing" the next two books. From the mouths of intelligent babes!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBeejcctx

Thanks, Scott. You gave me a GREAT IDEA for my next Halloween costume!

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthe_muteKi

Next in the series: How To Set Someone Queer

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRoger

A girl who doesn't understand mathematics is not worth dating. ;)

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGirlWhoLovesMath

Love this one. Thank you.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGirlWhoLovesMath

So they are telepathic shape shifting pedophiles.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCBS

Basic Instructions is a comedy. Enjoy the imagination of a creative person (Scott Meyer). If "u" can't, get your mind checked.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBill

Step one would probably be get them hooked on the Twilight series?

I kid, I kid.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthe_muteKi

*does wild and crazy happy dance* YES! PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE TWILIGHT! THANK GOD!
vampires don't sparkle! and 'Twilight' sucks in almost every way. Seriously. I hate being in high school because EVERYONE thinks twilight it da bomb, but it's NOT!

And scott, there are werewolves who in fact DO NOT need the moon to cahnge - they are NATURAL WEREWOLVES, the offspring of two wolves who need the moon to change. I'm an expert on monsters like this. trust me.

You should write a strip invilving fanfiction.net or chuck norris somehow . . .

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterIzzyWolfe13

[...] How to Set Someone Straight [...]

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSheherazahde

I never had a desire to read the Twilight series, but the leech-man angle intrigues...

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenternyssssa

A werewolf is a person who can turn into a wolf. So Meyers has two kinds of werewolves in her books: those effected by the moon and those who can change at will. If the "shape changers" could change into things other than wolves then they would be true shape changers.

August 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSheherazahde

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