How to Help Someone See How They Are Perceived

I feel about hugs roughly the way Richard Ayoade does.

Forward to 2:50. For some reason the internet won’t let me auto-start the video there.

It’s funny how people who are huggers, when they find out you are not a hugger, will just smile and inform you that they will continue to hug you no matter what you want, then mock you for not wanting their hug.

No, funny isn’t the word. Infuriating. That’s the word I want.

I’m not against hugs in general, for specific people. My wife, my mother, small children . . . cats? Does picking up a dog or a cat count? The point is, I have never, and will never hug, say, Ric. It wouldn’t feel right, and he wouldn’t know how to respond. He would probably interpret it as some sort of attack, or possibly a physical form of sarcasm.

I once had a guy inform me that he was a hugger as he came in for a hug. I told him I was not, and it did not slow him down at all. I resigned myself to the fact that the hug was going to happen, and out of some weird awkward impulse I patted him twice on the back during the hug. He kept me in the embrace and said, “You don’t have to do the awkward heterosexual back-pat with me.”

I fought the urge to point out that I am, in fact, an awkward heterosexual. I also managed to keep from explaining to him that forcing a hug on me, prolonging the hug when I was clearly uncomfortable, and criticizing me for my poor hugging technique was not doing anything to change my mind about hugs.

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