How to Understand Kids These Days

I have a friend, a grown woman with kids of her own, who was standing in a long line to return some things on the day after Christmas a couple of years back. She pulled out her smartphone and started scrolling through messages. The elderly woman in line in front of her turned around, looked at her, and said something like, “Oops, I’m going to be standing still for a few seconds. I need my electronic pacifier.” To really sell the bit the old lady literally sucked her thumb.

This interaction has stuck with me, even though I wasn’t there, I only heard about it secondhand, and both of the people involved may actually have forgotten about it by now.

The old lady’s thesis seems to be that younger people waste their lives staring at screens, when if they only had the backbone, the grit, and the practical intelligence their elders possess, they would put their spare time to more practical use: harassing and insulting whatever perfect stranger is unfortunate enough to come near them.

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