How to Break In New Shoes

When I was a bachelor, I would cook a frozen pizza directly on the middle rack of my oven. While it cooked, I would cut the box along the sides then flop the top of the box over so that I had a clean brown cardboard square. When the pizza was done, I’d slide it onto the cardboard with just one edge of the pizza hanging off of the edge where it could be easily bitten off. I’d sit on the couch, watching the Simpsons, and sliding the pizza forward, off of the box, and eating the exposed part until it was all gone.

I was full, it tasted good, and I dirtied no dishes at all. It was the perfect meal, except for the fact that it had almost no nutritional value.

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