How to Handle Shocking News of a Highly Personal Nature

I picture a commercial that’s just closeups of bloodshot eyes while a Sarah McLachlan song plays. (Not the song you’re thinking of. It’s been done to death. I’d use something inappropriate, like Your Love is Better than Ice Cream.) Then a voice-over would say that your donation will make it possible to give these poor afflicted souls a squirt gun full of VISINE.

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