How to Put Up with Some Idiot Telling You a Story He Clearly Just Made Up

I wrote the “his mistress fell on him” joke for a private gig, back when I was a comedian.

This guy hired me to do twenty minutes at his wife’s 50th birthday party, then, after everything was set, he requested that instead of my normal act I pretend to be a private investigator, there digging for dirt on his wife and her friends. It seemed particularly important to him that I go on and on about what awful, nefarious people they all were. He repeatedly told me to “really let them have it.”

I told him repeatedly that it was a bad idea, that it was not what I agreed to when I took the job, and that it would not work, but he was insistent. I ended up doing what I always did in those situations (it came up more than once). I wrote a quick, funny intro making a glancing attempt to fit the client’s wishes, then transitioned into my usual act. The theory was that if I was a comedian, and if I made the audience laugh, the client wouldn’t be able to justify not paying me.

So, I went up, pretended to be a detective for a couple of minutes, (because that’s how detectives do it, they crash parties and address the whole group at once without asking any questions) then admitted that I was a comedian, and did my usual act. The dialog in the second panel is adapted from the only detective joke I came up with that I liked.

Audience enjoyed it. The client paid me, reluctantly. But, I’m delighted to report that his money spent the same despite his lack of enthusiasm.

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