How to Pick a Restaurant — Basic Instructions

I would totally eat at Colonel Kraut’s Bratwurst Bunker. I picture the logo being a sausage impaled on one of those old German spiked helmets*.

There is a very good German buffet at EPCOT. We ate there a couple of times when one of my brothers was in town. It has been said that the difference between many Mexican dishes is all in how the chef folds the tortilla. By the same token, the difference between many German dishes is the circumference of the wienie, and how thin they slice it.

*Those helmets were called “Pickelhaube,” and the Wikipedia page about them just cost me ten minutes of my life. In WWI they discovered that the traditional pickelhaube was ill-suited to trench warfare, partly because the spike would stick up over the top of the trench and make the wearer a target. The solution: a new helmet design with a spike that was detachable!

Note from Missy: [1] I love how sour I am through this whole thing. [2] I went to Wikipedia to find out if “pickelhaube” had any root in “pickle.” (Turns out no: “pickel” is German for point or pickaxe.) I ended up falling down a rabbit hole for 15 minutes. Thanks a lot, Scott. No Rib Round-Up for you!

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