How to Face a Difficult Task

I’ve been told that you can get pets to eat pills if you smear the pills with peanut butter. Of course, I wonder why they don’t just make tubes of medicinal peanut butter we can squeeze into our pets’ mouths, or children’s mouths, or, for that matter, my mouth. Why am I sitting here trying to figure out a way to make someone else’s medicine more pleasant when I don’t like taking the stuff either?

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How to Deal with a Family Crisis on the Other Side of the Country

A few years later, dad had heart surgery and didn’t tell any of us until afterward. We were not pleased, but now that the anger has subsided, I think I understand. He probably figured that if the surgery went well we’d all either be too happy to get mad or too worried about upsetting him in his delicate state to give him to hard a time. On the other hand, if the surgery went badly, telling us about it wouldn’t be his problem.

There’s a certain grim wisdom in that, which is the kind of wisdom my father specializes in.

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How to Enjoy the Wisdom That Comes with Age

There was some controversy about this one when it first ran, so let me be clear; I did not count Battlestar Galactica 1980 as a reboot . . . or a sequel . . . in fact, I like to pretend it didn’t happen. At that age I could live with Viper pilots riding around on flying motorcycles, but the Cylons coming to Earth to attack Wolfman Jack was too much for my child-mind to accept.

They’re still working on that third reboot, by the way. If it feels like it’s still too soon to you, I’ll point out that the Edward James Olmos/Mary McDonnell/Katee Sackhoff reboot premiered in 2003.

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How to Understand a Flaw in Our Society

(SPOILER ALERT FOR A MOVIE THAT IS OVER 20 YEARS OLD)

Also, the character from Fight Club that men chose to try to look like, Tyler Durden, was an unrealistic ideal in the movie. He started off as the imaginary representation of who the man Edward Norton’s character wanted to be.

When the film first came out, I knew a guy who talked about starting a real fight club. I told him I thought it was a good idea. I had no intention of going. I figured that knowing where all the guys who wanted to fight were meant that by avoiding that place I would be less likely to get attacked. Also, I wasn’t overly fond of the guy, and didn’t at all mind the idea of him getting pummeled.

Here’s a link to the article mentioned in the comic.

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How to Predict the Future

The fact that we assume the machines will want to kill us immediately just speaks to what a low opinion we humans have of ourselves.

“Someday the computers will become far more intelligent than we have ever been, or will ever be. Obviously the first thing any being that smart will want to do is kill us.”

I have a more positive outlook. I think there’s a very good chance they’ll want to keep us around, even if only as a sidekick species, or sort of like pets. No, that doesn’t sound great, but I said I said I had a “more positive outlook.” When you’re contrasting against the immediate murder of your entire species, that’s a pretty low bar.

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How to Make a Solemn Pact with a Good Friend

The thing that delights me so much about this comic now is that I’m so egotistical that I assume with all the other options open to him, Rick’s ghost would choose to haunt me.

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How to Fully Understand an Established Fictional Character

I enjoyed The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I especially appreciated the bickering-brothers energy they gave Sam and Bucky. The only thing I would have added would be to have Bucky annoy Sam by always pronouncing Falcon as “Fall-con.”

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How to Tell Someone Things They Don't Want to Hear

Steve Jobs had a uniform. Reportedly, he had a closet full of one specific type of black turtleneck and one specific brand of jeans. People say he did it so that clothes would be one less decision he’d have to make every day.

I suspect part of the reason he chose to go the uniform route was that he realized that he was Steve Jobs. Everyone he ever met knew exactly who he was and already had an opinion of him. If people were impressed with him, they would continue to be impressed no matter what he wore. If, on the other hand, they weren’t impressed with him, no outfit was going to be cool enough to change that.

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How to Make Your Villain Change Sides and Turn Good

I believe I drew the brand new (at the time) pose for Rocket Hat in panel 3 just so that I could use that joke about him putting on the chains of honor, as the only other drawing of him features him already wearing handcuffs.

In retrospect, I could have just said “now that you are wearing the chains of honor,” and saved myself the trouble. You know, the trouble of drawing even one fresh image for my comic strip.

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How top Assume a Positive Point of View

Back when I was a stand-up comic, I had a club owner short me on my pay by such a paltry amount that it made me wonder why he even bothered to rip me off.

Of course, if I couldn’t believe he cheated me for so little money, I had to wonder if it was worth it for me to walk back into the club and confront him in front of a bunch of other comedians and audience members, and be known as the guy who raised a stink over so little money, especially when I couldn’t actually prove that the amount he gave me was less than promised.

I chose to just let it go as the fee it cost me to know I never needed to answer his phone calls again.

And, because I know you’re asking, I really did have no way to prove he had shorted me. No, I couldn’t just point the sum on my “paycheck” to demonstrate how didn’t match the amount I was promised in my “contract.” Most of the comedy industry back then just didn’t work that way.

And by “that way,” I mean “in a legal or ethical manner.”

Example: I once had a club owner promise me a certain amount of money for a gig. I turned down other paying work because I had his gig on the books. Then, two hours before showtime, he called to tell me there was a problem, and I would not receive the money I was promised. Instead, I would receive pizza as payment. Not a whole pizza. He intended to split a pizza with me.

When I told him what I thought of that offer, he told me, “I can see that somehow you’ve got this twisted around in your head so that I’m the bad guy.”

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