How to Fully Understand an Established Fictional Character
I enjoyed The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. I especially appreciated the bickering-brothers energy they gave Sam and Bucky. The only thing I would have added would be to have Bucky annoy Sam by always pronouncing Falcon as “Fall-con.”
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How to Tell Someone Things They Don't Want to Hear
Steve Jobs had a uniform. Reportedly, he had a closet full of one specific type of black turtleneck and one specific brand of jeans. People say he did it so that clothes would be one less decision he’d have to make every day.
I suspect part of the reason he chose to go the uniform route was that he realized that he was Steve Jobs. Everyone he ever met knew exactly who he was and already had an opinion of him. If people were impressed with him, they would continue to be impressed no matter what he wore. If, on the other hand, they weren’t impressed with him, no outfit was going to be cool enough to change that.
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How to Make Your Villain Change Sides and Turn Good
I believe I drew the brand new (at the time) pose for Rocket Hat in panel 3 just so that I could use that joke about him putting on the chains of honor, as the only other drawing of him features him already wearing handcuffs.
In retrospect, I could have just said “now that you are wearing the chains of honor,” and saved myself the trouble. You know, the trouble of drawing even one fresh image for my comic strip.
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How top Assume a Positive Point of View
Back when I was a stand-up comic, I had a club owner short me on my pay by such a paltry amount that it made me wonder why he even bothered to rip me off.
Of course, if I couldn’t believe he cheated me for so little money, I had to wonder if it was worth it for me to walk back into the club and confront him in front of a bunch of other comedians and audience members, and be known as the guy who raised a stink over so little money, especially when I couldn’t actually prove that the amount he gave me was less than promised.
I chose to just let it go as the fee it cost me to know I never needed to answer his phone calls again.
And, because I know you’re asking, I really did have no way to prove he had shorted me. No, I couldn’t just point the sum on my “paycheck” to demonstrate how didn’t match the amount I was promised in my “contract.” Most of the comedy industry back then just didn’t work that way.
And by “that way,” I mean “in a legal or ethical manner.”
Example: I once had a club owner promise me a certain amount of money for a gig. I turned down other paying work because I had his gig on the books. Then, two hours before showtime, he called to tell me there was a problem, and I would not receive the money I was promised. Instead, I would receive pizza as payment. Not a whole pizza. He intended to split a pizza with me.
When I told him what I thought of that offer, he told me, “I can see that somehow you’ve got this twisted around in your head so that I’m the bad guy.”
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How to Use Technology to Improve Yourself
I did have a fitness tracker for a while, but I found it to have a fundamental design flaw, which was that I was able to strap it to my right arm, or, as I call it, “my eatin’ arm.” When placing a forkful of food in your mouth counts as a step, the day’s final step count loses its accuracy as a measure of how hard you’re working to lose weight.
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How to Defend Your Position
Also, again, I had no problem with the idea that my mother found men attractive. It was the frequency, enthusiasm, and specificity with which she expressed that attraction, and the monstrous, wheezy-voiced, golem-made-flesh she expressed it for.
One bright spot of the last few years is that it has completely vindicated my position on the phrase “You have to admit.” If we’ve all learned one thing, it’s that nobody ever has to admit anything.
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How to Share Your ideas
This is only tangentially related. (It has to do with certain primates having hand-like feet.)
I have no intention of ever getting a tattoo, but if I someday do, it will probably be of this image.
How to Understand People's Motivations
The only funny part of a knock-knock joke is the look of despair and audible groan that usually comes out of the person being told the joke immediately after they realize they are, in fact, about to endure a knock-knock joke. Anything amusement anybody may feel after that is an unanticipated bonus.
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How to Make a Joke About Celebrity Gossip
Decades later, “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves is still the best musical shorthand for happiness. If you hear that song play in a movie, you know exactly what emotion you are meant to detect. Someday “Happy” by Pharrell Williams might take the crown, but he had to literally name the song “Happy” to even come close to challenging the champ.
When “Happy” became a big hit, I wonder if Katrina and the Waves were bummed . . . and what Katrina and the Waves being bummed would even sound like.
If I were a billionaire, I’d gather all of the members of Katrina and the Waves to do a cover of “A Long December” by Counting Crows.
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