How to Make Peace
Way back in the mists of time, I participated in more than one roast. I was always surprised how few of the comedians ever bothered to actually write new material specifically about the person being roasted. Most of them seemed to just go up and do their usual act with some half-hearted segue to make it seem like the bit you’d seen them do a million times was somehow about the person being honored.
I thought about that while I was watching a documentary about the comedian Bob Einstein (A.K.A. Super Dave Osborne). He is the brother of Albert Brooks. Their father was a well-known comedian way back in the day. Bob Einstein swore he would never go into comedy after attending his father’s funeral, because Milton Berle got up, and instead of actually saying anything about the deceased, just did his act.
I wish I found that hard to believe.
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How to React to a Friend's Good News
When we were comedians, the real Ric used to be described, in his introduction, as “a psychotic ball of stress.” Now he works in a job where he is appreciated for his level head and steady hand on the tiller.
Not well appreciated, but at least somewhat appreciated.
His company gives the employees little mementos and awards to commemorate various milestones working for the company. I think it was the ten-year mark when Ric came into his office to find a small cardboard box on his chair. He opened it to find a nice metal keychain of the company logo in a presentation box, and a folded piece of paper. It turned out to be instructions for his supervisor for how to present the gift to Ric, including the specific directive: “Tell the employee how important they are, to you and to the team.”
And in a way, they did exactly that.
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How to Prepare for the Future
The Star Trek episode referenced here is, of course, “Spock’s Brain”, where aliens steal . . . wait for it . . . Spock’s brain. They use it as the processor for the computer that controls their entire society. I love that episode. It’s terrible. There’s so much to mock in it, including the single line of Star Trek dialog that Missy and I quote most often.
“Brain and brain! What is brain?!”
My favorite thing is that until they can find Spock’s brain, McCoy rigs up a doohickey so he can drive Spock’s brainless body around like a remote-controlled car. You know Bones had some fun with that before he showed anyone else, making Spock do the Hokey Pokey and that sort of thing. Or maybe he just forced Spock’s body to say, “You are right, doctor,” over and over again.
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How to Find Out What Really Happened
Introducing the character Mr. Everywhere gave me a real problem, because the amount of room I had to work with in a frame was limited, and I couldn’t logically show Omnipresent Man and not show Mr. Everywhere there with him. If they’re both everywhere, it follows that they must be everywhere together.
Of course, I technically should have included Omnipresent Man in every panel of every comic I wrote from the moment I invented him on. I chose to sort of cheat and just not show him. Then, I created a second character who gave me the same problem, forcing me to cheat twice.
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How to Do Political Humor
And that’s why I try not to be overtly political. While I stand by the opinions expressed here, 100% of the predictions I made were wrong.
Also, I gotta say, the facial expression I drew in panel 2 is probably the least flattering image of me in existence.
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How to Deal with Your Mistakes
A long time ago, Missy and I were in a cash-poor position, and I decided to try earning a little side money by applying at a temp agency. They tested my typing ability and basic familiarity with Microsoft Office. I had used word processors before, but not Word. And at that point it had been a few years. In fact, the most advanced word processor I had used ran on a black and white Mac, if that gives you an idea. A few things had changed.
They asked me what the squiggly red line under a word in my document meant. I didn’t know.
Think about that. I did not know what the red line, the foundational interface of a modern spell checker, meant. To make it worse, while failing to answer that question, I looked directly at a misspelled word and didn’t catch the error.
I was not offered any work.
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How to Create a Compelling Villain
I don’t ever specify if the Emperor’s parents are dead or not. I could have made the Emperor deal with his controlling mother and disapproving father. Even if he kept them imprisoned, they could’ve constantly been browbeating him about the quality of their guards and cages.
”Rocket Hat wouldn’t lock his parents up like this. No, he’d do it right!”
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