How to Talk Behind Someone's Back

Once, a long, long time ago, I got into a fight with one of my older brother’s friends. I won’t get into the reasons. I was 14, he was 17, none of us handled the situation particularly well. My brother ended up taking his friend’s side and there was quite a bit of yelling.

Later that evening, when things had cooled down a bit, my brother (who I remind you, was 17 at the time, an age at which most of us say a lot of stupid things) told me, “I don’t like your friends either, but at least I have the guts to insult them when they’re not around.”

The guy I’d been arguing with and I looked at each other, then started laughing so hard that any ill will left from our argument completely dissipated.

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How to Talk Behind Someone's Back

Once, a long, long time ago, I got into a fight with one of my older brother’s friends. I won’t get into the reasons. I was 14, he was 17, none of us handled the situation particularly well. My brother ended up taking his friend’s side and there was quite a bit of yelling.

Later that evening, when things had cooled down a bit, my brother (who I remind you, was 17 at the time, an age at which most of us say a lot of stupid things) told me, “I don’t like your friends either, but at least I have the guts to insult them when they’re not around.”

The guy I’d been arguing with and I looked at each other, then started laughing so hard that any ill will left from our argument completely dissipated.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Mind Your Manners

I’ve always found the idea of denouncing Yale graduates as uncouth barbarians to be hilarious. It’s probably a side-effect of the fact that the first sitcom I remember enjoying as a child was Gilligan’s Island. That also explains my love of sword canes. Obviously, Thurston Howell III was my favorite character, which only made it more hurtful when my father bought me a white bucket hat and started calling me Gilligan.

Note from Missy: I’m one of those wrong-hand food-cutters. I’ve never understood the whole deal with switching your knife to your fork hand to cut, then switching back to eat. So I roll with fork in the right hand, knife in the left, and anyone who has a problem with it can go suck an egg.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Mind Your Manners

I’ve always found the idea of denouncing Yale graduates as uncouth barbarians to be hilarious. It’s probably a side-effect of the fact that the first sitcom I remember enjoying as a child was Gilligan’s Island. That also explains my love of sword canes. Obviously, Thurston Howell III was my favorite character, which only made it more hurtful when my father bought me a white bucket hat and started calling me Gilligan.

Note from Missy: I’m one of those wrong-hand food-cutters. I’ve never understood the whole deal with switching your knife to your fork hand to cut, then switching back to eat. So I roll with fork in the right hand, knife in the left, and anyone who has a problem with it can go suck an egg.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Maintain a Healthy Diet

Sun Chips were a triumph of marketing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they taste good, and I’ve eaten my share of them, but at the end of the day they’re just empty carbs covered with salt, just like almost everything else on the chips aisle.

I don’t blame them for trying to position Sun Chips as a healthier alternative. You have to differentiate your product some way, and the ways in which Sun Chips differ from potato and tortilla chips don’t make for great ad copy.

“It’s the snack made from compressed wheat fragments that would otherwise go to waste!”

“It’s the perfect snack for the early ’90s! It’s half cracker, half chip! It’s a Crip!”

“The snack that’s corrugated, for increased longitudinal stiffness!”

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Maintain a Healthy Diet

Sun Chips were a triumph of marketing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they taste good, and I’ve eaten my share of them, but at the end of the day they’re just empty carbs covered with salt, just like almost everything else on the chips aisle.

I don’t blame them for trying to position Sun Chips as a healthier alternative. You have to differentiate your product some way, and the ways in which Sun Chips differ from potato and tortilla chips don’t make for great ad copy.

“It’s the snack made from compressed wheat fragments that would otherwise go to waste!”

“It’s the perfect snack for the early ’90s! It’s half cracker, half chip! It’s a Crip!”

“The snack that’s corrugated, for increased longitudinal stiffness!”

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to React to Good News That is Actually Bad News

I don’t discuss anybody’s pregnancy unless they bring it up. In my experience, expectant parents either can’t wait to talk about the pregnancy, or don’t want to talk about it at all.

Nobody is ever perfectly happy to discuss their pregnancy but not in a hurry to bring it up. If they don’t bring it up, it’s because they don’t want to talk about it, period. Oh, they’ll tell you they’re happy to discuss it, but in a flat tone of voice, while looking at you through narrowed eyes.

The worst-case scenario is bringing up someone’s pregnancy and finding out that they aren’t pregnant. The only way to get out of that faux-pas with honor involves cyanide pills.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to React to Good News That is Actually Bad News

I don’t discuss anybody’s pregnancy unless they bring it up. In my experience, expectant parents either can’t wait to talk about the pregnancy, or don’t want to talk about it at all.

Nobody is ever perfectly happy to discuss their pregnancy but not in a hurry to bring it up. If they don’t bring it up, it’s because they don’t want to talk about it, period. Oh, they’ll tell you they’re happy to discuss it, but in a flat tone of voice, while looking at you through narrowed eyes.

The worst-case scenario is bringing up someone’s pregnancy and finding out that they aren’t pregnant. The only way to get out of that faux-pas with honor involves cyanide pills.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Apply for a Promotion

I once had a friend who was dissatisfied with their job, and when they finally arranged a promotion my friend pulled strings to get me the job they wanted out of.

I was desperate enough for a job at that point that I took their cast-off job happily.

Later, when I left that job, instead of replacing me with a new hire, they divvied all of my tasks up amongst my former co-workers, all of whom found it terribly demeaning, which did not do anything to make me feel bad about leaving.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Apply for a Promotion

I once had a friend who was dissatisfied with their job, and when they finally arranged a promotion my friend pulled strings to get me the job they wanted out of.

I was desperate enough for a job at that point that I took their cast-off job happily.

Later, when I left that job, instead of replacing me with a new hire, they divvied all of my tasks up amongst my former co-workers, all of whom found it terribly demeaning, which did not do anything to make me feel bad about leaving.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).