How to Create a Running Gag

I have a lot of questions about these two men.

Do Chubby Checker and Fats Domino know each other? If they do, are they friends? Are they enemies? Did they start as enemies, then slowly, almost grudgingly come to respect one another, eventually forging a strong bond because, at the end of the day, they are the only two men on earth who understand the incredible stresses one endures when being a musician whose last name is a game-piece and whose first name is an insulting reference to their weight?

I haven’t found the answers to any of these questions, but I have learned one surprising fact. According to Wikipedia, as of this writing, both Fats Domino and Chubby Checker are still alive!

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How to Create a Running Gag

I have a lot of questions about these two men.

Do Chubby Checker and Fats Domino know each other? If they do, are they friends? Are they enemies? Did they start as enemies, then slowly, almost grudgingly come to respect one another, eventually forging a strong bond because, at the end of the day, they are the only two men on earth who understand the incredible stresses one endures when being a musician whose last name is a game-piece and whose first name is an insulting reference to their weight?

I haven’t found the answers to any of these questions, but I have learned one surprising fact. According to Wikipedia, as of this writing, both Fats Domino and Chubby Checker are still alive!

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Win a Game of Rock-Paper-Scissors

Missy and I are the Inigo Montoya and Dread Pirate Roberts of Rock, Paper, Scissors. It will usually take us five rounds to find a winner.

In the first round we will both pick the same thing, rock, because you want to start from a position of strength.

Most people will move on to the thing that beats rock for round two. We’re both too clever for this, and to stick with rock would just be stubborn, so we both pick scissors.

The average person will move on to paper, as it has not been selected yet. We would never fall into that trap. So, we both choose rock again.

Now, and only now, will we both resort to paper.

Once all of the standard gambits have run their course, all bets are off. At that point she usually beats me.

Note from Missy: This is entirely true, often eerie, and makes for a good party trick.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Win a Game of Rock-Paper-Scissors

Missy and I are the Inigo Montoya and Dread Pirate Roberts of Rock, Paper, Scissors. It will usually take us five rounds to find a winner.

In the first round we will both pick the same thing, rock, because you want to start from a position of strength.

Most people will move on to the thing that beats rock for round two. We’re both too clever for this, and to stick with rock would just be stubborn, so we both pick scissors.

The average person will move on to paper, as it has not been selected yet. We would never fall into that trap. So, we both choose rock again.

Now, and only now, will we both resort to paper.

Once all of the standard gambits have run their course, all bets are off. At that point she usually beats me.

Note from Missy: This is entirely true, often eerie, and makes for a good party trick.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Explain Something to Someone Who Doesn't Get It

I’m quite proud of this comic. I like that in the end I’m the one not “getting it.”

I’ve had a few jobs where I was occasionally asked to stay late. I won’t claim to have always liked it, but I always preferred it to being told that I had to stay late. It’s just part of my mental make-up. I don’t think it’s laziness so much as resentment.

I remember when I was in elementary school and my teacher introduced the idea of homework. I instantly recognized it as a terrible injustice. Here I’m already spending all day in this stuffy room with you and a bunch of other kids, doing whatever you tell me to do, and now you’re telling me I have to go home and do more stuff you didn’t get around to? Seems to me like you need to work harder, teach.

It is not an attitude that served me well.

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How to Explain Something to Someone Who Doesn't Get It

I’m quite proud of this comic. I like that in the end I’m the one not “getting it.”

I’ve had a few jobs where I was occasionally asked to stay late. I won’t claim to have always liked it, but I always preferred it to being told that I had to stay late. It’s just part of my mental make-up. I don’t think it’s laziness so much as resentment.

I remember when I was in elementary school and my teacher introduced the idea of homework. I instantly recognized it as a terrible injustice. Here I’m already spending all day in this stuffy room with you and a bunch of other kids, doing whatever you tell me to do, and now you’re telling me I have to go home and do more stuff you didn’t get around to? Seems to me like you need to work harder, teach.

It is not an attitude that served me well.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Develop an Invention

I still say that alarm clock would work. Really though, the most effective alarm sound would be a recording of your spouse saying, “The alarm didn’t go off!” That wakes you up fast.

I once had a cat creep up to me while I was napping, stick her little nose in my ear, and sneeze. I’ve never gone from fast asleep to wide awake so quickly in my life. Cats trained to do this could be used instead of smelling salts to wake up people who have passed out. If someone I love is ever in a coma, I am going to try sneezing in their ear to wake them.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Develop an Invention

I still say that alarm clock would work. Really though, the most effective alarm sound would be a recording of your spouse saying, “The alarm didn’t go off!” That wakes you up fast.

I once had a cat creep up to me while I was napping, stick her little nose in my ear, and sneeze. I’ve never gone from fast asleep to wide awake so quickly in my life. Cats trained to do this could be used instead of smelling salts to wake up people who have passed out. If someone I love is ever in a coma, I am going to try sneezing in their ear to wake them.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Talk to a Farmer

Please don’t read this commentary if you’re having breakfast or drinking a latte.

I’ve joked about it many times, but I do find the entire idea of drinking cow milk horrifying. It’s just my weird mental thing, and should not be taken as an attack on milk drinkers.

For me, the idea of squeezing fluid out of a live animal is deeply unsettling to begin with. Then the fact that we’ve bred those animals so that the parts we squeeze are larger, and will produce more of the fluid, makes it worse. And then we developed suction-based machines made of stainless steel and rubber hoses to squeeze the animals more effectively.

I think the worst part is that I’ve been pretty close to more than one cow. I do not find them pleasant. Milk is white and clean-looking, yet it comes out of a cow. The cows I’ve been around have been dirty, have smelled awful, and have had glassy eyes and big gooey tongues like Jabba the Hut.

I’ve also been fairly close to more than one dairy farmer, and while most of them didn’t fit that description, more than one of them did.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Talk to a Farmer

Please don’t read this commentary if you’re having breakfast or drinking a latte.

I’ve joked about it many times, but I do find the entire idea of drinking cow milk horrifying. It’s just my weird mental thing, and should not be taken as an attack on milk drinkers.

For me, the idea of squeezing fluid out of a live animal is deeply unsettling to begin with. Then the fact that we’ve bred those animals so that the parts we squeeze are larger, and will produce more of the fluid, makes it worse. And then we developed suction-based machines made of stainless steel and rubber hoses to squeeze the animals more effectively.

I think the worst part is that I’ve been pretty close to more than one cow. I do not find them pleasant. Milk is white and clean-looking, yet it comes out of a cow. The cows I’ve been around have been dirty, have smelled awful, and have had glassy eyes and big gooey tongues like Jabba the Hut.

I’ve also been fairly close to more than one dairy farmer, and while most of them didn’t fit that description, more than one of them did.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).