How to Keep Your Christmas Gift Secret

Panel one is an example of what happens when I actually try to draw something. I’d call the results serviceable. The action taking place on a field of unbroken snow made it easier, but I can’t help but look at the snowman’s head and reflect on the fact that it’s probably the least round circle I’ve ever seen. It’s either a poorly drawn circle, or a terribly drawn square.

Note from Missy: And here I was going to say, “See? He has actual decent cartooning skills!” Freehand circles are almost as hard to draw as hands. Or horses. Or bicycles.

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How to Keep Your Christmas Gift Secret

Panel one is an example of what happens when I actually try to draw something. I’d call the results serviceable. The action taking place on a field of unbroken snow made it easier, but I can’t help but look at the snowman’s head and reflect on the fact that it’s probably the least round circle I’ve ever seen. It’s either a poorly drawn circle, or a terribly drawn square.

Note from Missy: And here I was going to say, “See? He has actual decent cartooning skills!” Freehand circles are almost as hard to draw as hands. Or horses. Or bicycles.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Take a Break

This is actually the second variation on How to write a comic when you have no ideas, not the third. I think I scrapped another, and that’s why I said this was the third, not the second.

I was out of ideas, so I wrote two comics about not having ideas. Now I’m left sitting here trying to think of what to say about this comic that I didn’t say about the last one.

The irony is not lost on me.

Note from Missy: And yet you managed to come up with ideas for another 9 years after this, which is pretty impressive.  Also, I’ve always loved the “Scotty, you have to come up with something!” line.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Take a Break

This is actually the second variation on How to write a comic when you have no ideas, not the third. I think I scrapped another, and that’s why I said this was the third, not the second.

I was out of ideas, so I wrote two comics about not having ideas. Now I’m left sitting here trying to think of what to say about this comic that I didn’t say about the last one.

The irony is not lost on me.

Note from Missy: And yet you managed to come up with ideas for another 9 years after this, which is pretty impressive.  Also, I’ve always loved the “Scotty, you have to come up with something!” line.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Write a Self-Evaluation

I wrote this comic while I was working at a corporate office. The Mullet Boss character wasn’t really based on any one specific person, and his look was basically me with a poorly drawn moustache, chin, and mullet.

After I wrote this comic and put it on my site, the office got a new boss. He was a guy from Arkansas who tended to wear suit jackets but no ties. I always got along well with him.

Later, Basic Instructions started running in Seattle Weekly. The editor selected this comic as the first one to run, even though it was a few weeks old at that point. I was absolutely delighted, right up until I had to have the awkward conversation with my new boss explaining how I had written the comic before I’d even met him. (He didn’t have a moustache or a mullet, but as I said, he was from Arkansas, which made him sort of sensitive about both of those hair choices.)

Question from Missy: Didn’t he still believe that it was based on him anyway? And he kind of liked that?

Note from Scott: Yeah, he never truly bought it, but it seemed to amuse him.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Write a Self-Evaluation

I wrote this comic while I was working at a corporate office. The Mullet Boss character wasn’t really based on any one specific person, and his look was basically me with a poorly drawn moustache, chin, and mullet.

After I wrote this comic and put it on my site, the office got a new boss. He was a guy from Arkansas who tended to wear suit jackets but no ties. I always got along well with him.

Later, Basic Instructions started running in Seattle Weekly. The editor selected this comic as the first one to run, even though it was a few weeks old at that point. I was absolutely delighted, right up until I had to have the awkward conversation with my new boss explaining how I had written the comic before I’d even met him. (He didn’t have a moustache or a mullet, but as I said, he was from Arkansas, which made him sort of sensitive about both of those hair choices.)

Question from Missy: Didn’t he still believe that it was based on him anyway? And he kind of liked that?

Note from Scott: Yeah, he never truly bought it, but it seemed to amuse him.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Threaten Vengeance

Really, any specific threat will be more effective than saying that you’ll “get” someone. “I’ll get you for this!” Even as a kid that seemed way to vague. I know, you’re thinking that the vagueness makes it more threatening, but being clear about your intentions will make the danger seem more real, since they’ll be able to picture the specific act you’re threatening.

Also, making said threat from atop a throne of skulls will help.

Looking at the first and fourth panels of this comic illustrated the fact that a drawing that looks okay tiny can look really jacked up when you zoom in. A less lazy cartoonist would have redrawn it, but we all know I don’t roll that way, when I can be bothered to roll at all.

Note from Missy: I always love when there’s punctuation profanity, so I can play the “what word is that replacing?” game. (Also, did you know that a set of punctuation used to replace profanity is known as a “grawlix”? (Cue The More You Know music.)

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Threaten Vengeance

Really, any specific threat will be more effective than saying that you’ll “get” someone. “I’ll get you for this!” Even as a kid that seemed way to vague. I know, you’re thinking that the vagueness makes it more threatening, but being clear about your intentions will make the danger seem more real, since they’ll be able to picture the specific act you’re threatening.

Also, making said threat from atop a throne of skulls will help.

Looking at the first and fourth panels of this comic illustrated the fact that a drawing that looks okay tiny can look really jacked up when you zoom in. A less lazy cartoonist would have redrawn it, but we all know I don’t roll that way, when I can be bothered to roll at all.

Note from Missy: I always love when there’s punctuation profanity, so I can play the “what word is that replacing?” game. (Also, did you know that a set of punctuation used to replace profanity is known as a “grawlix”? (Cue The More You Know music.)

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Explain Sex to Your Child

Learning about sex through trial and error is one of the many ideas that started as a bit from my standup act that I could never get to work. I had an awful lot of those, a fact which speaks for itself.

I think one way to diminish teen pregnancies would be to make a horror movie in which a couple has a baby that then turns evil and tries to kill them. I only saw Jaws once as a kid, but I couldn’t swim, even in a pool, without thinking about it for many years after.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Explain Sex to Your Child

Learning about sex through trial and error is one of the many ideas that started as a bit from my standup act that I could never get to work. I had an awful lot of those, a fact which speaks for itself.

I think one way to diminish teen pregnancies would be to make a horror movie in which a couple has a baby that then turns evil and tries to kill them. I only saw Jaws once as a kid, but I couldn’t swim, even in a pool, without thinking about it for many years after.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).