How to Answer the Phone

in

KACA was the station ID of an actual radio station, one at which I worked for a short time. It did not, in fact, “rock like a sum’bitch.” KACA was an easy listening station in Prosser, Washington, a town built around a potato processing plant that would periodically release a burst of flaming gas into the sky Blade Runner style. I never did get a straight answer as to what they did to the potatoes to make them that flammable.

Four days of the week I had the 3:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. shift. On the fifth day I was 11:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. I’d sit there, watching the potato-plume while playing Neil Diamond for insomniac farmers. Towards the end of my time there we held the biggest contest in the station’s history. The prize was a one year lease of a Geo Metro. Each day we’d have people call in to get a chance at the car. Recording the calls, a simple matter of pressing a button in any properly equipped station, required unhooking three different pieces of equipment then rewiring them together in a different configuration, taking and recording the call, wrapping it up fast, then wiring everything back together the way it was originally before the block of three songs that were playing ended. If you got anything wrong the microphone wouldn’t work when you tried to announce the next ABBA track.

It was a terrible job. It is also the only job from which I’ve ever been fired. 

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How to Answer the Phone

in

KACA was the station ID of an actual radio station, one at which I worked for a short time. It did not, in fact, “rock like a sum’bitch.” KACA was an easy listening station in Prosser, Washington, a town built around a potato processing plant that would periodically release a burst of flaming gas into the sky Blade Runner style. I never did get a straight answer as to what they did to the potatoes to make them that flammable.

Four days of the week I had the 3:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. shift. On the fifth day I was 11:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. I’d sit there, watching the potato-plume while playing Neil Diamond for insomniac farmers. Towards the end of my time there we held the biggest contest in the station’s history. The prize was a one year lease of a Geo Metro. Each day we’d have people call in to get a chance at the car. Recording the calls, a simple matter of pressing a button in any properly equipped station, required unhooking three different pieces of equipment then rewiring them together in a different configuration, taking and recording the call, wrapping it up fast, then wiring everything back together the way it was originally before the block of three songs that were playing ended. If you got anything wrong the microphone wouldn’t work when you tried to announce the next ABBA track.

It was a terrible job. It is also the only job from which I’ve ever been fired. 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Wrap a Gift

in

The first Christmas after Missy and I moved to Orlando to work at Walt Disney World, we wrapped all of our Christmas gifts with park maps. I still think it was one of the best ideas we’ve ever had. The maps were colorful, unique, made it clear who the gifts had come from, and cost us nothing, which was very important on a Walt Disney World cast member’s salary.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Wrap a Gift

in

The first Christmas after Missy and I moved to Orlando to work at Walt Disney World, we wrapped all of our Christmas gifts with park maps. I still think it was one of the best ideas we’ve ever had. The maps were colorful, unique, made it clear who the gifts had come from, and cost us nothing, which was very important on a Walt Disney World cast member’s salary.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Tell a Joke

in

One of my older brother's best friends back in high school would tell jokes that made absolutely no sense. When the joke-recipient didn't laugh, he would always say, "Ha! It went over your head and below your feet," in a singsong voice. He would recover from saying something that wasn't funny by saying something else that wasn't funny, about how the other person didn't know what was funny. I'm sad to admit that I actually find the compound-irony of that kinda funny.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Tell a Joke

in

One of my older brother's best friends back in high school would tell jokes that made absolutely no sense. When the joke-recipient didn't laugh, he would always say, "Ha! It went over your head and below your feet," in a singsong voice. He would recover from saying something that wasn't funny by saying something else that wasn't funny, about how the other person didn't know what was funny. I'm sad to admit that I actually find the compound-irony of that kinda funny.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Purchase Electronics

in

Rick wanted to buy his wife (at the time) a digital camera for Christmas. I went along, because he knew very little about electronics. We went to a big chain electronics store, pretty much the only one that's still in business from that time, and asked a salesperson where we'd find the specific model Rick wanted. Instead of telling us, he walked us to it, picked it up off of the shelf, did not hand it over to us, turned around so that his body blocked us from grabbing another one, and started badgering us about extended warranties with a big, smug smile on his face.

I told Rick, "As your attorney, I recommend that you not buy the extended warranty." (We have both read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas way too many times.)

The salesman said, "Oh, you're his attorney? Then tell me, is your client the kind of guy who likes to take unnecessary risks?"

I said, "No, he's the kind of guy who's going to be buying a camera at another store if you don't hand it over."

I usually avoid telling stories about the funny thing I said, but that story led directly to this comic, so it's relevant.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Purchase Electronics

in

Rick wanted to buy his wife (at the time) a digital camera for Christmas. I went along, because he knew very little about electronics. We went to a big chain electronics store, pretty much the only one that's still in business from that time, and asked a salesperson where we'd find the specific model Rick wanted. Instead of telling us, he walked us to it, picked it up off of the shelf, did not hand it over to us, turned around so that his body blocked us from grabbing another one, and started badgering us about extended warranties with a big, smug smile on his face.

I told Rick, "As your attorney, I recommend that you not buy the extended warranty." (We have both read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas way too many times.)

The salesman said, "Oh, you're his attorney? Then tell me, is your client the kind of guy who likes to take unnecessary risks?"

I said, "No, he's the kind of guy who's going to be buying a camera at another store if you don't hand it over."

I usually avoid telling stories about the funny thing I said, but that story led directly to this comic, so it's relevant.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Creep Someone Out

in

Only three panels with jokes, but a couple of those jokes aren't too bad. In fact, Missy and I still quote "Service me, you worm" occasionally while scooping the litter or opening a can of disgusting smelling wet food.

Maybe if we bought better smelling wet food, scooping the cat box wouldn't be as unpleasant. Hmm, must investigate.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Creep Someone Out

in

Only three panels with jokes, but a couple of those jokes aren't too bad. In fact, Missy and I still quote "Service me, you worm" occasionally while scooping the litter or opening a can of disgusting smelling wet food.

Maybe if we bought better smelling wet food, scooping the cat box wouldn't be as unpleasant. Hmm, must investigate.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).