How to Explain Your Profound Personal Triumph

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Reader Comments (27)

Genius! It's fast, cheap, and results in exactly zero dirty dishes! Now if I just invent an edible pizza box, I could make billions...

September 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMitsurati

3rd panel just made me crack up!

September 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJackFTW

The only difference in how I eat my pizza is that I still cut it. I once tried rolling it like a burrito, but that failed.

September 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterstauf1931

Scott, you're not the only husband to confess what you do in Panel No. 4.

And I prefer the "pizza sandwich" technique myself -- take two pizza slices of equal area, turn them topping side to topping side, then enjoy. You avoid the scalding from fresh-out-of-the-oven cheese (at least on the roof of your mouth) and enjoy the efficiency of eating twice as much pizza with each mouthful.

September 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermisterfweem

Well done, Mr. Meyer. Which, incidentally, is how I like my pizza. I make my own dough and sauce, but I've come to accept I should eat foods that are "less efficient" for my body to, er, "process".

September 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChuck

This one should go to a "The very bestest instructions" list.

September 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmarquez

@ stauf1931

Fold it in half - double your efficiency!

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaptSlock

The third panel reminded me of the old saying "it's amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too tired".

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeter Andersson

That seems like it would risk melting the cardboard. Dishes used only for frozen pizza can practically be brushed off with your hand and keep the heat off you and other surfaces. I totally agree about the oven rack, tho.

What I can't agree about is not cutting it, I tried eating a pie like that once and it just makes me sad. So I cut it using scissors (its fast, but then I do have to wash the scissors.) Or... pizza baguettes, which don't need cutting.

Mine doesn't contain four food groups though...

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSxL

My father was told in his college Industrial Engineering course that if you wanted to find the most efficient way to accomplish a task, you should assign it to the laziest team member. They will always come up with the method that gets the work done with the least effort (and sometimes it is quicker as well).

I would definitely agree that they are strongly related, if not identical. So I wasn't surprised by that in the third panel... What got me laughing was the next line -- actually researching the link is itself inefficient. Now I must return to the efficiency of laziness!

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTookTimeToDoThis

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMatt

Yeah, that pretty well sums up exactly how I eat pizza, except I get the kind that comes with no box so I have to suffice eating it off the pizza pan once both have cooled sufficiently. If no cheese is too close to the edge during cooking, I don't even need to worry about cleaning off the pan, either!

Wonderful comic!

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLars
September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterjoeHope

Today's strip is probably the best qualified to be "Basic Instructions".

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAllen K.

Ha! This is exactly how I eat my frozen pizza, to the letter!

I once tried cooking it in the microwave for extra speed/efficiency but don't do that - it makes it warm, but doesn't remove the moisture so you end up with cooked-but-soggy pizza.

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPatrik

Okay, I was cracking up at every panel in this one, and it just got louder and louder. GREAT comic today.

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMatt Nelson

I mastered the art of getting to the pizza place, buying my pizza, and getting back on the couch in less than one commercial break.

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSean C.

Missy doesn't like frozen pizza? Are you sure she's human?

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThalia

I just realized you and Jenkins are both actually on Diffen, holy crap that's awesome! :)

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoris

That has been my method for eating frozen pizza for years. ...even after 8 years living together. Also, the pizza is usually still cold in the center. My efficient pizza cooking is probably what attracted her to me.

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThestas

Cardboard doesn't melt and pizza isn't hot enough to cause a fire (just blisters on the roof of my mouth).

I'm perfectly capable of cooking a 5 course meal, my wife married me to save me from my poor impulse control.

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraash420

My body hasn't handled cheesy grease "efficiently" in years, unless you confuse expediency with efficiency!

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTonyD

I've done this. Exactly this.

You are awesome, as usual.

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSereg

This comic, and it's comments, are my favorite thing of today.
"Sadly, the human body can't handle that much efficiency." - some of your best work I think!
@stauf1931 - Try it with a smaller "party-pizza" perfect for pizza burrito.

I always say, Necessity is the mother of invention, but Lazyness is a close second.

This was my pizza, until I got married, now we use the Pizzazz. Start cooking just the pizza, then cut veggies (onions, bell pepper, tomato, mushroom) and whatever meat is getting old in the fridge (smoked pork is my favorite) and add these as the pizza cooks and rotates. Top it off with more cheese. You end up with GREAT pizza using the store-bought as a blank canvas!

September 21, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeardo

You avoid the scalding from fresh-out-of-the-oven cheese (at least on the roof of your mouth) and enjoy the efficiency of eating twice as much pizza with each mouthful.

September 22, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergurjeet

exactly how i fix my pizza

September 22, 2012 | Unregistered Commenter@demoneyeone

I don't understand - isn't that how everyone eats frozen pizza?

September 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBetrayer

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