Firstly, get an axe or pick-axe. A big one. One you can wield, not one that wields you (Check out Elmer Fudd attempting to wield a pick-axe in "The Wacky Wabbit", and you'll know what I mean) Next hunch over and grin demonically like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" Start giggling and demanding, "What?" at same time. Swing that axe around menacingly, while continuing with your giggle-demands. You'll either get a firm response or work out some pent up maniacal aggression. Lemon juice does wonders, I'm led to understand ...
*sighs* Oh god, yes. And you know something? I don't think I've ever been able to work out what the original "hmph" was for either! XD Congrats on the engagement, btw, Another Rob!
Another excellent comic! I really should stop reading comics with other people around. I get so many funny looks!
Ok, this one confirms it. You've been spying on me haven't you? Where's the camera? In the kitchen? the bedroom? lol, seriously you have a way of getting down to the 'basics'. I mean who hasn't had that conversation at least once? I like your treatment.
I did win an argument with my wife once. She said, "You're too impatient." Rather than fight it, I said, "Ok, I agree, I'm too impatient, but you can't admit fault." Then I thought to myself, "wait for it, wait... she's cornered, because denying it will just prove my point!" I almost gave in to impatience. Finally she said "Fine." We're getting divorced now.
The real lesson was learning to say "I'm sorry" even when you don't know what for. Try to start using it as much as possible and watch the effect. You will lose the battle but not the war.
"I'm sorry" when you don't know what you're sorry for only works in the context of "something I've done has clearly upset you"... and NOT to just get yourself out of the doghouse! Women, particularly those who are upset due to some insensitivity on your part, don't rejoice in your "I'm sorry" - we want to know that you understand us, at least a little bit, even if it's only that you recognize your role in our mood. (Although I realize Missy's not telling Scott what he did is for effect - ba-dum-bump! - if a woman is appeased by a blanket apology, she'll also be happy to tell you what was wrong in the first place IF YOU ASK).
And James, why does "I'm sorry" have to lose the battle? Men... hmph!
It's too true. Just apologize and then go down to Cheers where everyone yells "Scott". Then talk about it with your friend Stiff Nailin' (Sad attempt at humorous Cliff Clavin, I know....sad)
the problem with 'hmph' is that my husband doesn't notice nuances/hints/the bleeding obvious. i've learned to be more direct and say, 'you suck'. to which of course he answers, 'what?!'
You know, you are are absolutely right and I was wrong. If only men could understand women there would be no battles or war. And for that, I'm sorry...
Billy Connolly, the British comedian, did a skit about just this, where he says there's this look women give their husbands, and the only response is "Whaaat?". His wife described in her book about him, how, the day after the performance, she had been looking thoughtfully at him, when he saw her, and said "Whaaat". The rest of the people (who had been at the performance) fell off their chairs laughing at them.
The way to get someone to tell you why they're upset: "I'm probably not going to get it right on my own, and I'd really rather not upset you the same way again. If I'm going to change my behavior, I need to know what to change. If you don't want to talk about it right now, that's okay, although it's really going to bug me until you do." And then you let the subject change, and you wait. And when the argument's done incubating, you'll find out. Also a good idea: Admit you're not very good at figuring things out on your own. That activates the pity circuits just enough to let the anger at your obliviousness dissipate.
NO!! SHE CAN'T ACCEPT THAT APOLOGY! He doesn't know what he's apologizing for! Men NEED to know what they've done wrong so they won't do it again! It needs to end this way.
"How can you apologize when you don't know what you're apologizing for!?" "Okay, then I'll retract my apology." "What?!" "What?" "Nevermind." "What am I apologizing for, then?" "It's not important now." "What?" "Nothing." "No seriously, what?" "I said, nothing! Drop it!" "Drop what?" ..
April 19, 2009
Reader Comments (36)
Dear god, Scott, you've reached into my soul. And pulled out some kind of hair clog. Please don't show it to me again.
Thank you. I needed that one... Girlfri-- scratch that, fiancee(very recent, still not used to saying it) tends to have a lot of those.
this is a win
How to get an answer to "What?":
Firstly, get an axe or pick-axe. A big one. One you can wield, not one that wields you (Check out Elmer Fudd attempting to wield a pick-axe in "The Wacky Wabbit", and you'll know what I mean)
Next hunch over and grin demonically like Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"
Start giggling and demanding, "What?" at same time.
Swing that axe around menacingly, while continuing with your giggle-demands.
You'll either get a firm response or work out some pent up maniacal aggression. Lemon juice does wonders, I'm led to understand ...
All women do, and I have to tell you, you are not going to win :)
I'm sure I would NOT like the honest answer. Doesn't prevent me from asking multiple times every day, though...
*sighs* Oh god, yes. And you know something? I don't think I've ever been able to work out what the original "hmph" was for either! XD Congrats on the engagement, btw, Another Rob!
Another excellent comic! I really should stop reading comics with other people around. I get so many funny looks!
Ok, this one confirms it. You've been spying on me haven't you? Where's the camera? In the kitchen? the bedroom? lol, seriously you have a way of getting down to the 'basics'. I mean who hasn't had that conversation at least once? I like your treatment.
Pffft. A REAL man's conversation goes like this:
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Okay! What's for dinner?"
This comic was like a window into my soul. This is almost exactly how it goes down with my wife and I. Sheesh!
Awesome! Love the irony
When you do win, you'll soon wish you hadn't. Also, you didn't really win, you just *thought* you did.
Also, contrary to above instructions, NEVER start out with "I'm too awesome" - it's a quick way to create another, much worse scenario.
Quickly followed by "Wait, where are you going? Wait! I'm hungry! What....?"
I did win an argument with my wife once. She said, "You're too impatient." Rather than fight it, I said, "Ok, I agree, I'm too impatient, but you can't admit fault." Then I thought to myself, "wait for it, wait... she's cornered, because denying it will just prove my point!" I almost gave in to impatience. Finally she said "Fine." We're getting divorced now.
I was surprised no one had submitted this to Digg yet. Here's the link:
http://digg.com/comedy/Basic_Instructions_Every_argument_ever
Digg 'em if you got 'em.
[...] Basic Instructions by Scott Meyer: Your all-inclusive guide to a … [...]
The real lesson was learning to say "I'm sorry" even when you don't know what for. Try to start using it as much as possible and watch the effect. You will lose the battle but not the war.
Wrong, then she grabs the pick-axe and ka-thunk! (shudder) Time to break out the Clorox.
"I'm sorry" when you don't know what you're sorry for only works in the context of "something I've done has clearly upset you"... and NOT to just get yourself out of the doghouse! Women, particularly those who are upset due to some insensitivity on your part, don't rejoice in your "I'm sorry" - we want to know that you understand us, at least a little bit, even if it's only that you recognize your role in our mood. (Although I realize Missy's not telling Scott what he did is for effect - ba-dum-bump! - if a woman is appeased by a blanket apology, she'll also be happy to tell you what was wrong in the first place IF YOU ASK).
And James, why does "I'm sorry" have to lose the battle? Men... hmph!
for this article I must conclude that Scott has bugged my house.
No, man. It's not Scott; it's the SPACE GOPHERS!
this is odd. I'm normally only too eager to tell my partner why I'm pissed.
It's too true. Just apologize and then go down to Cheers where everyone yells "Scott". Then talk about it with your friend Stiff Nailin' (Sad attempt at humorous Cliff Clavin, I know....sad)
Well played. Thank you.
the problem with 'hmph' is that my husband doesn't notice nuances/hints/the bleeding obvious. i've learned to be more direct and say, 'you suck'. to which of course he answers, 'what?!'
you forgot the classic "if you don't know I'm not going to tell you!"
You're clearly a genius. This is easily my today's favourite
You know, you are are absolutely right and I was wrong. If only men could understand women there would be no battles or war. And for that, I'm sorry...
you crack me up... I was going to respond "ROFG" but the system wouldn't accept such a short reply. I accept your apology. ;)
as a fan of recursive loops, I can only say "well played, sir."
for real, well done. reminds me of every relationship I've ever had, ever.
Billy Connolly, the British comedian, did a skit about just this, where he says there's this look women give their husbands, and the only response is "Whaaat?". His wife described in her book about him, how, the day after the performance, she had been looking thoughtfully at him, when he saw her, and said "Whaaat". The rest of the people (who had been at the performance) fell off their chairs laughing at them.
Let's start with "I'm too awesome." lol'd
If you play this one right, you can get the silent treatment "punishment". Only women call it punishment, men call it peace and quiet.
The way to get someone to tell you why they're upset: "I'm probably not going to get it right on my own, and I'd really rather not upset you the same way again. If I'm going to change my behavior, I need to know what to change. If you don't want to talk about it right now, that's okay, although it's really going to bug me until you do." And then you let the subject change, and you wait. And when the argument's done incubating, you'll find out. Also a good idea: Admit you're not very good at figuring things out on your own. That activates the pity circuits just enough to let the anger at your obliviousness dissipate.
NO!! SHE CAN'T ACCEPT THAT APOLOGY! He doesn't know what he's apologizing for! Men NEED to know what they've done wrong so they won't do it again! It needs to end this way.
"How can you apologize when you don't know what you're apologizing for!?"
"Okay, then I'll retract my apology."
"What?!"
"What?"
"Nevermind."
"What am I apologizing for, then?"
"It's not important now."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No seriously, what?"
"I said, nothing! Drop it!"
"Drop what?"
..
[/psychotic girlfriend]
This is still one of the greatest comics ever.