Join the Basic Instructions Subscription Service!
Or, please consider donating just a little something to help keep Basic Instructions going.
As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).
I'm about to blow your mind...
Has it occurred to anyone that perhaps the reason that people are surprised to hear that their quiet neighbor is a serial killer is because he got caught? If they hadn't been caught, there would be no surprise. Because nobody would know.
May I suggest that the outgoing friendly types are simply not getting caught, perhaps because they are well adjusted and socially acceptable? Perhaps, just perhaps, there are a lot more serial killers out there living life undetected because they have friends. They don't seem to have anything to hide. Perhaps the most successful serial killers are also the most successful at life. Your best friend could be a mass murderer. Your local grocery store owner could have a freezer full of corpses. Your mailman could be carrying someone's head in a canvas bag.
Just think about that for a second.
Oh Matt, I wish you would be quiet and secretive with your observations. I'll never look at my mailman the same way again.
i do my best not to look at my mailman anyway...that could have something to do with this nearly overwhelming urge to add his elbows and face to my collection...
But Matt! The most successful people in life that I know are:Mark ZuckerbergSteve JobsBill GatesThe Google CEOs
That.... that means.... all those data mining... OH NO!
"I'll show you the ropes, and the knives, and the chainsaw, and the..."
Dave Mustaine in some song lyrics:
Kill a man and you're a murderer.Kill many and you're a conquerer.Kill them all and you're a God.
I guess the list needs room for politicians and serial killers to be complete...
Thank you Matt. I will never again sleep comfortably at night, wondering whether both my quiet unassuming neighbours, and the loud brash ones, have a trophy room full of human elbows and faces. (And thank you for that detail, Pipkin. Really brought the whole topic alive, if you will pardon the expression . . . )
It looks as though it's only us anti-social grumpy old gits that can be trusted not to slay and flay everyone who comes to the door.
It could also be that, compared to the people whose first response to a tragedy is to go mug in front of a news camera, Charlie Sheen would be "one of the quiet ones."
Oh, Paddy, that's just what we want you to think.
The words “hay you kids get off my lawn” sound a lot happier now,For some reason the silent anti-social types seem a lot more hazardous now.Which is a bit confusing being for me as someone that likes to be silent and left alone more often than not.
That said when reporters talk to the neighbor about a serial killer it seems to me the neighbors often say something like “well he was a grate dude, very friendly, but I never really talked to him a lot”
Is it jest me or do those things not really go together.
Ten Myths About Serial Killers
Third panel is great.
Don't forget, the Son of Sam was a mailman.
There used to be loud people who came to my door...
I'm a stand-up comic, and one of my jokes has the line "Whenever they catch a serial killer, the neighbors always say, he was a quiet man who kept to himself." in it almost identically. (It's a well-known trope.) But my take is that that doesn't mean that quiet guys are serial killers; it just means that serial killers make the best neighbors.
Notify me of follow-up comments via email.